My Not So Unusual Day
by InsanityTalisman
Summary: JD finds out a few of the surprises of working at a hospital. Graphic slash! Yay! JD/Cox. This was supposed to be a PWP, but, against my will, there is now a plot...
1. Just Another Day At Work

**I haven't written fanfiction in a **_**very**_** long time, but I had a JD-like daydream of the two of them, and I couldn't let it go; had to write something. I tried to keep them in character, but I'm not sure I succeeded (I consider IC to be something you can read and hear their voices in your head), especially with Dr. Cox. He is my favorite character from the show, but the most difficult for me to write. Gah! Also, my tenses messed with me a lot; I have a clunky way of writing that I can't seem to break.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah. '**blank stare'** I don't own them. '**eye twitch**' Do you HAVE to keep rubbing it in? If I did own them… '**head tilts and she stares off into the distance**'**

**Warnings: A bit (hopeful a lot later) of graphic slash, JD/Cox**

_Italics - _**JD's thoughts.**

**Bold - JD's daydreams. **

Chapter One

_When you work at Sacred Heart, even when you think you have grown accustomed to everything, you would be amazed at what can still surprise you._

I walk through the sliding glass doors of the hospital.

My thumbs are hooked around the straps of my backpack as I stride down the brightly lit hallway. I am swaggering more than I normally do, my hair is styled to perfection once again thanks to my trusty hairmet, and my high spirits are quite obvious to anyone who cares to notice.

Unexpectedly, a mop is thrust out in front of me from the open doorway to my right.

In a surprising show of grace on my part, I do what I consider a _very _cool spin move to avoid it. I crane my neck around to look back behind me as I continue to walk, smirk at my angry and disappointed adversary, and call out in a cocky voice over my shoulder.

"You have to be a _lot_ faster, Janitor, to catch _me_!"

_Damn it! I have to stop taunting him! He thinks this is a competition, with him trying his hardest to kill me and me trying to survive... _

My head tilts upward and to the side in my patented, at least in my mind, daydreaming stance.

**I stand in the middle of the Coliseum.**

**I am clad in gladiator gear. A leather bracer is wrapped around my right forearm, shiny metal greaves adorn my calves, a bronze scutum is clutched in my left hand, a gladius in my right, and an uncomfortable plumed helmet rests on my head and covers most of my face. **

**Peering down through the narrow openings surrounding my eyes, I am fascinated by the cuirass strapped to my chest. The gleaming armor is heavily ridged, giving me the illusion of having an amazingly defined six-pack and flawlessly built pectoral muscles.**

_**If there were areolas crafted onto this, it would be **__**perfect**__**... **_

"**That is a nice skirt you chose to wear to your death, prisoner!"**

**I jerk my head up as the booming voice echoes throughout the amphitheatre and stare up into the stands before me. **

**The Janitor is seated on his throne in the emperor's tier. He is dressed as a caesar, and the extravagant purple toga wrapped around his tall frame seems to glint evilly under the rays of the midday sun. **

"**It is not a skirt! It's a **_**tunic**_**, damn it!" I shout indignantly at the tyrant and try not to lower my shield to cover my distressingly bare thighs. **

"**Right. I'm bored with this, so..." The Janitor raises a fist out in front of him, points the thumb downward, and then frowns at the appendage. "You know, it has never been proven which direction meant death. I do like this one, though." **

**He lifts his clenched hand to his neck, turns the thumb towards himself, and drags the digit across his throat. He grins at me, and then drops his hand down before issuing an order in a loud authoritative tone.**

"**Release the tigers!"**

**I look around frantically and yell in a panicked voice, **"**Tigers? Plural? I can handle, **_**maybe**_**, one, but, uh… Can't we just talk about this?"**

**The sound of gates being raised pierces through the air with startling clarity.**

I escape out of the unpleasant vision as I approach the nurses' station and hastily come to a stop several feet from it.

_Like figuring out that you have a crush on your mentor. Not the giggling 'oh, he's so cute' crush, not that I don't think he's cute, but the 'I want to push him up against a wall and have my way with him' kind of crush. For many justified reasons I think he would hurt me __**very**__ badly if I did that. If I could actually manage to shove him against a wall, that is. Dr. Cox doesn't like to be shoved..._

I give a slight shake of my head to clear it.

I can't prevent the distracted smile that spreads over my lips as I let my eyes take in the man before me. Dr. Cox has yet to put on his white doctor's coat; allowing me an unobstructed view. I run my gaze over him quickly in an attempt to evade any notice that I am checking out my _male_ co-worker; from the curly hair, thick neck, deliciously broad shoulders, to the curves of his hips and ass. I appreciate the tight Gap t-shirt the other man is wearing and how the scrub pants cling to him just right.

I sigh and make my way to stand beside my crush.

I watch with a grin as Dr. Cox's brows scrunch up slightly as he, the so_ not_ a morning person, turns towards me for a direct glare.

_I should probably tone down my cheerfulness..._

"Hi, Dr. Cox!"

_Damn it!_

I grimace mentally at how over-excited those three simple words manage to come out.

"Hey, Wonderbra, you seem extra perky this morning… Did your, did your new boy-toy," Dr. Cox's eyes narrow in disbelief, and he twists his head slightly to the side, "finally let you top?"

His eyes open wide in mock astonishment as he finishes the sentence, and even though he doesn't give me any time to respond he continues.

"I can't believe it, Tierra, I really cannot believe it. Congratulations." He gives me a fake approving stare, and then cups his hands around his mouth as he shouts down the hall. "A miracle has occurred, people, a _miracle_! Mary Anne has _finally_ gotten what she wanted from a man!"

_I love how expressive he is..._

My grin broadens as Dr. Cox turns his attention back to focus on me.

_Who am I kidding? He always pays attention to me..._

I allow a coy and probably silly-looking smile to form on my face before I answer his rhetorical question.

"Maybe _he_ did? And maybe it was _really_ good?" I purse my lips and my eyes darken thoughtfully as I gaze at him.

_I don't think he would like to know what I want to do right this moment. Don't look at his lips! Do __**not**__ look at his lips!_

His eyebrows attempt to reach his hairline at my words, before he scowls at my total lack of being insulted and storms off.

_He'll probably make fun of me even more now, but it was totally worth it to see that look on his face._

"Dude, that was a disturbing, but major props on getting Dr. Cox to shut up."

I glance over, and finally notice something other than Cox. Turk is leaning up against the counter with his elbow resting on it, _of course_. This has been his normal morning ritual ever since he got together with Carla; his surgeries usually didn't start until later on in the day. As I walk over to stand closer to him, I greet him with the affectionate nickname I had given him in college in what I consider my 'gangsta' voice.

"Hey, Chocolate Bear. Wazzup?" Immediately after the welcome, I drop the poorly-done inflection and my voice becomes excited. "Wasn't that _awesome_, Turk?"

I have difficultly refraining from jumping up and down like a spastic schoolgirl; it is an _extremely_ rare occurrence that I get the last word in _any_ verbal exchange with Dr. Cox.

"It was, Bambi. I'm _so_ proud of you." Carla answers for Turk instead as she walks up to her desk. She offers me a slightly patronizing but genuine smile, which I return with an almost painfully wide flash of my teeth. "Why _are_ you in such a good mood, anyway?"

_That's my Carla. She's always afraid something, hopefully not gossip-wise, was being kept from her._

"Yeah, man, you do seem pretty happy." Turk studies me suspiciously, and then his eyes light up and the corners of his lips tug up into a pleased grin. "Whose lovelies have you been playing with? Ahh? Yeah, buddy!"

"Turk!" Carla glares disapprovingly at her husband.

"What, Baby? That's the only thing that would make him this happy, and I just wanted to congratulate my boy." Turk's tone is instantly defensive.

I sigh.

_Turk was right. Normally that was the only thing that could put me in this kind of mood. But, unfortunately, I was going through a bit of a dry spell again. How was I supposed to explain that just seeing Dr. Cox made me happy? Answer was, I wasn't going to._

"No, it's nothing like that, guys. Come on, you would have noticed if I tried to sneak someone into our place." I aim my best imploring, innocent stare at Turk, and then Carla.

"That's true." Turk instantly concedes, looking disappointed.

_Yes!_

"Whatever you say, Bambi." Carla seems far from convinced.

_Damn it!_

"OhmyGodwhatdidIdo?"

A high-pitched jumble of words comes from the right of the nurses' station, and causes us all to jump. In unison, we turn to stare at a frazzled-looking Elliot.

"Coxjustyelledatmefornoreason!" She seems to get herself under control, although her voice is still a near screech. "He even made fun of my _hair_! It looks alright, doesn't it? Oh my God, it looks horrible, I _knew_ it! I have to find a mirror!"

"Elliot!" I speak sharply and reach both of my hands up to get a firm grip on her shoulders; shaking them a little. "Elliot! Calm down! Your hair looks fine! No, no, it looks _great_!"

She stares at me for a moment. After blowing an ineffectual huff of air at her bangs, her panicked expression is overtaken by a shy and very pleased one. "Really, JD? That's so sweet."

"You need to relax, Elliot." Carla states calmly from behind me. "You should know by now that Dr. Cox doesn't need a reason to be mean. That's just the way he is."

I release Elliot's shoulders, as it looks as though she has gotten a handle on her emotions.

"Yeah, I know. I've just been having a really rough day." Elliot pouts and gazes forlornly at the floor.

"Wait a minute. It's only _fifteen_ minutes into our shift, Elliot!" I stare at her in confusion.

"I know." She sighs. "It's been a really bad fifteen minutes…"

All three of us give her our pointed 'you are completely insane' looks, which she doesn't notice or chooses not to notice as she picks up a chart from the counter and starts to flip through it.

I shrug and finally realize that I haven't done anything work related since I got here.

_Oops, my bad._

"Later, guys." I call to my friends as I head to the locker room to change into my scrubs.

_Sometimes what surprises you is a little amusing, if not a little embarrassing..._

"I don't know what's wrong with this guy, Carla. I had test after test ran on him, and I still have no idea what is causing his inability to keep anything down, stomach pains, and nausea." I whine, only _slightly,_ mind you, as I slump awkwardly against the countertop that Carla is sitting behind; my arms stretching out limply with my wrists curving down over the inner edge.

"Does he experience dizziness as well? Maybe the lack of eating is causing the stomach pains and nausea..."

I can _hear_ the grin in her voice.

My head is up off the counter in an instant, and I give her the scariest glare I can manage, which fails to intimidate the amused Latina nurse one bit.

"Hadn't thought of _that_." I hiss at her with an extra heaping of sarcasm.

_Maybe Dr. Cox is rubbing off on me..._

"I'm sorry, Bambi. You'll figure it out." She gives me an encouraging smile before going back to organizing charts and flicking her pen rapidly over paperwork.

"It all points to a tumor, but if it _was_, he'd be losing weight, not gaining it!"

My mood had done an about-face from giddily happy to stressed-out in probably about two seconds. I had immediately been swamped once I finished changing; three of my patients having been in critical condition. I spent most of my shift running back and forth trying to keep them alive, and I hadn't had more time than to step into Kyle Memphis' room, say that I'd do everything I possibly could for him, and step back out.

In frustration, I thunk my head onto the hard surface I'm leaning on. I had already lost the patient that had been brought in with multiply gunshot wounds.

It takes a moment for me to notice that my forehead _really _hurt.

_Ow_!

I lift my head a short distance from the surface I hit it on and rub at the sore spot gingerly.

A sharp whistle cuts though the air, and, as always, it doesn't fail to shove my heart up into my throat. I spin around too quickly and almost fall, but I manage to, thankfully, stay mostly upright due to my successful frantic grab for the lip of the counter.

_Remember how to breathe! That's it! Just in and out... Hmm, in and out. And Dr. Cox. Frick! I've been spending too much time around the Todd... and Elliot._

I retreat out of my thoughts and focus on Dr. Cox's face. He looks pissed.

_Back into my thoughts, now! What did I do?_

"Newbie!"

I snap my head back around. I had been staring off into space again, and trying to catalog all of the things I had done today that might have antagonized him.

I back away slowly from the angry man, and hold up my hands defensively as I remember.

"I'm sorry I forgot to bring you your coffee!" The words come out in a rush, and I stare at him with wide eyes.

_Okay, I may think he's hot, but he still scares me, damn it!_

For a split-second, his expression softens slightly with amusement.

"No, Kendra, this is _na-ot _about the coffee. Although, that _does_ irritate me. If it happens again," he pauses, for dramatic effect of course, "I will break into that shoebox-sized area you deem necessary to _ac-tua-al-ly_ call an apartment, steal that stuffed mutt of yours, and hand it over to Jumpsuit." He points his index finger close to my face. "With orders that you _ne-ev-ever_ see it again."

_No, not Rowdy!_

"Then, uh, what is this about?" I shuffle my feet a bit nervously.

_I have to find a hiding place for Rowdy while I'm away!_

Dr. Cox's face becomes completely serious. He flicks his nose and crosses his arms over his chest in a way I'm all too familiar with, and his next words are carefully measured with no extra syllables added.

"What I want to know, is why you are dragging your feet on getting the prenatal tests done for Mrs. Memphis? My God, Newbie! You must know by now how this works! She has crappy medical insurance that hardly pays for the visit, much less an extended stay. If those tests are not done soon, she will be discharged without knowing what might be wrong with her or her baby."

My mind sticks, and I just stare at him; vaguely noticing that a vein starts throbbing in his forehead as I do so.

_**Mrs.**__ Memphis? Oh my God, that was a __**woman**__! Why didn't I look more closely at the chart and that convenient little portion of it that tells you a person's gender?_

I take off down the hallway; making sure to dodge around Dr. Cox at a distance I feel is beyond his ability to reach.

_Not that it would do much good; he can run faster than me!_

"I'm on it, Dr. Cox!" I shout as I run. Not away, of course, just to the patient.

_And another of the surprises can be dealing with a case where the results are what you expected in a different one..._

I sit dejectedly on the bench in front of my locker.

I am trying to keep my mind blank as I stare directly forward, but without really registering anything around me. I bang my head back against the locker door; listening to the thud and dull ring of hollow metal, before I do it again. I duplicate the action repeatedly, harder each time, until I am wincing in pain and swearing.

Mr. and Mrs. Henderson are a younger couple that had been trying to get pregnant for over a year. They had come in for an ultrasound because they thought that they were finally going to have a baby, even though the home pregnancy tests had been coming out negative. This happens sometimes, and Mrs. Henderson's stomach had been expanding like that of someone carrying a child.

_They already had names picked... A nursery fully stocked and decorated..._

A louder thump and metallic chime echo through the small and mercifully empty room. This time I don't curse, although I dimly feel the sharp bolt of agony that races down my spine from the back of my head. I just stare straight ahead.

_And I just told them that the hopeful mother has only two more years to live. She will __**never**__ have children... Talk about adding insult to injury... Ah, fuck this._

I stand, quickly strip out of my scrubs, and toss the bundle of clothes angrily into the bottom of my locker. I slam the door shut; not caring about the sleeve it closes on and crimps.

_Fuck my shower shorts, too!_

I stagger a little as I head for the staff showers. I feel somewhat like crying, but the sensation is vague and I succeed in keeping it together. I have always prided myself on my ability to grieve with no tears; I believe it is better to laugh when you are happy and endure misery in silence.

I plod with heavy steps to one of the showerheads that extend out from the slightly grimy, tiled walls. The room is an incredibly-ugly, dark-mold color due to the fact that several of the lights need to be repaired, but I think the Janitor is waiting for _all_ of them to go out before he fixes _any_ of them. The gloom makes me feel an acute twinge of claustrophobia.

_Nowhere in this hospital should be this depressing. It's unnecessary cruelty... Oh. __**That's**__ why he hasn't replaced the lights..._

I twist the hot temperature knob until I have adequate pressure and hold my left hand under the spray of water; waiting for it to warm up before moving my body underneath as well.

It is late, and the new shift began at least two hours ago.

_There shouldn't be anyone using the showers, or even the locker room for a while..._

At that thought, my mind starts to wander and almost instantly drifts to center on Dr. Cox. I picture him, with no effort at all, in my head, and imagine that he is here with me.

Naked.

_I need something to take my mind off things..._

**The pounding of the water against my skin should have been soothing, but I stand, nervous and on edge, beneath the falling liquid. It is uncomfortably hot, and is turning my skin an unnatural shade of pink with its scalding droplets, but I make no move to adjust the cold/hot water ratio. I feel almost as though I **_**can't**_** move.**

**And the reason for that is the person currently using the shower behind me. **

**There is a constant tension in my body; from my scalp down to my toes, and a near agonizing sense of anticipation that thrums through my muscles.**

**I hazard a glance over my shoulder and intend to look away immediately, but instead find myself staring as if enthralled.**

_**What is he doing here, anyway? He **__**never**__** showers here.**_

**He is standing similarly to the way I had been only moments before. His legs are parted for balance, palms flat against the tile at shoulder-height, and his body is hunched over slightly, head bowed, as if the weight of the world is trying its hardest to crush him.**

_**Maybe it is…**_

**After my cursorily observation of his stance, I start at the top of him and work my gaze down to examine him more thoroughly. **

**His hair is completely soaked, causing his curls to appear black in the low lighting. I want to run my hands through the wet ringlets, bury my fingers in them and tug his head back forcefully until his neck curves out, allowing me to caress the sensitive skin of his throat with my lips. Relinquishing his hair, I would stroke my hands over his shoulders and down his firmly muscled back; alternating between using teasingly light touches and pressing hard against the tautly constricted flesh in an attempt to send that rigidness elsewhere.**

**I would leisurely slide my palms along the arch of his lower back, and then down to grip the swell of his ass tightly in my hands; finally able to knead and squeeze what I had only admired from afar. Once satisfied with my inspection, I would grasp his hips in a bruising hold and jerk him roughly back against me; my chest connecting with the solid expanse of his back and my aching cock thrusting against the cleft of his ass. **

**I bite back a moan at the thought, but not as well as I had hoped for.**

"**Newbie, what are you doing?"**

**I twitch violently in guilty alarm, and my gaze snaps up to the man's face. **

**He is looking straight at me. His eyes are partly closed, making it impossible to actually see their piercing irises, but my memory easily provides the sight of them in my mind's eye. **

**I swallow hard and the simple movement is painful.**

**I **_**can't**_** move.**

**But then **_**he**_** begins to move towards me, and even though I have been caught, I can't stop watching him.**

**I stare at his chest; my eyes eagerly tracing over the planes and dips of his sculpted muscles, and my body**** shudders with the desire I have to touch, taste, smell, and simple take every inch of him in. He is toned and pleasingly, not overly, muscled and I can't make out any ribs, but I know if I just clinched my fingers tight into his silky looking flesh I could feel them and count them. **

**I notice that his arms are not swinging, not moving at all as he walks; he appears as tense as I **_**feel**_**.**

**I hesitate just a second before looking lower than his stomach.**

**And feel a heady spike of arousal surge through me.**

**He is half-hard and **_**very**_** nicely endowed. His hips sway in a predatory fashion as he stalks deliberately in my direction.**

**I suddenly remember to breathe since I first saw him staring back at me. The air goes out of my lungs in a rapid gust, only to immediately be pulled back in, and I start to pant. I want to stop myself from doing so, but I find I desperately need the oxygen. **

**My cock twitches as he **_**finally**_** comes to a halt in front of me. I am standing at full attention, agonizingly hard, and if he would just ****fucking ****_touch_ me, wrap his fingers around me, I would come. **

**I stare at him, my eyes filled with need and an unspoken plea.**

**He meets my gaze, but the shadows conceal his eyes, and I can't determine how _he_ is looking at ****me****.**

**Then he slowly reaches down, and his callused hand becomes my sole focus as he encircles me, gripping me tightly.**

**As he slides his hand swiftly along the length of my cock and then rubs his thumb rapidly over the sensitive tip, I tumble over the edge.**

"**Dr. Cox!"**

"Dr. Cox!" I cry out quite loudly. My dick is pulsing in my own hand, emptying the result of my orgasm onto the wet tile in front of me. Still panting, I rest my forehead on the wall; it feels blessedly cool against my heated skin, and I wait for myself to come down.

"Newbie, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

I freeze; my lungs stopping.

I slowly turn my head in a rolling motion, leaving it in contact with the tile.

Dr. Cox is standing in the doorway, fully clothed. He is still in his scrubs and white coat even, with his arms crossed, and looking very angry.

All my thoughts flee, except for one.

_I have to be the only person who fantasizes inside of my fantasies._


	2. After The Shower

**A/N (stuff you don't care about, but I'm going to tell you anyway): I had plans for this chapter, **_**actual**_** plans, but it changed into… this. Only one of my original concepts is still here. It was fighting me very hard to go the way of the Angst, I had to revamp it a few times, because I want this series to be **_**happy**_** fic, damn it! And it sort of came out that way... if you squint.**

**I wasn't expecting mostly only JD and Cox interaction. Not that I don't like it, I **_**really **_**do, but I like all of the characters in the show. I did get The Todd in '**snirk**', though, which makes a lot of sense to me, because I think he's in my mind now. If you're perverted, this chapter is filled with innuendos, and it's completely not on purpose. I left them in for funsies. **

**I tried to find all of the tense problems; they irritate the hell out of me. **_**Why**_** did I have to pick present tense, when I had never written it before?! And, of course, grammatical retardation abounds.**

**Disclaimer: '**glare**' Haven't we already been over this? '**whispers**' **_I hate you._

**Warning: Graphic slash! Yay! (Yes, I'm trying to get you to keep reading)**

_Italics_ **-** **JD's Thoughts**

**Bold - JD's Daydreams **

Chapter Two

Breaking out of the paralysis that had settled into my limbs at Dr. Cox's arrival, I swivel my head back to rest on the soap scum stained wall of the showers, and let the hot water continue to cascade over my body. My limbs feel like they're made completely of liquid as I try to catch my breath and slow my racing heart rate.

I sneak a quick peek at the entrance. He is still standing in the exact same spot, with the same pose, and the same scowl.

_He actually expects an answer! This is not good, JD, not good! Yeah, no one would come to the showers at this time of night. Stupid JD! Who always finds me when I'm breaking down?! Did I __**want**__ him to find me?! Did I think he would be happy about this?! Did I really think he would come here, see me like this, and be so overcome with desire, he would jump me right here in the shower like in my childish, little daydreams?!_

My mental panic starts to affect me physically; slowly undoing the center I had found just a couple minutes ago. I need to get a grip on myself and I need to do so fast.

Then it dawns on me.

_Wait a minute,__** he's**__ the one who stood there watching __**me**__ while I..._

Irritation quickly replaces all, well, a good chunk of the fear, at least. I frown; half in confusion and half in anger at myself and Dr. Cox.

I return to reality, switch off the water, and turn to face the older doctor who is now leaning against the doorway; I have little doubt he has been watching me ever since he arrived. I fight the urge to cover myself with my hands.

_Damn it! He knows how much nakedness around people that I'm not sleeping with bothers me; he's __**seen**__ my shower shorts! Any decent human being would have been waiting outside until I had gotten dressed! Unless..._

I glare at Cox and walk towards him, surprisingly confident on my unstable legs. I stop a few inches in front of him and tilt my head to the side, raising one eyebrow.

"_I _was having a little fun, but what are _you_ doing, Coxie? Did you like the show? Hmm? That's why you're still standing there, isn't it?" I say it in my best 'you _know_ you want me' voice and trail a finger down his chest, stopping at the top of his scrub pants. "Perhaps, it was very _hard _on you… I could take care of that for you…"

_Oh my God, I copied my brother's nickname for him! And I'm touching him without permission while making lewd suggestions! I'm fucking suicidal now! Abort! Abort!_

I maintain my expression somehow. Well, I mostly do, as I watch Dr. Cox casually, _way_ too casually, push himself up from his lean and straighten to his full height. He is only two inches taller than me, but he appears to tower much higher and I resist craning my neck back to look at him.

_Is he standing on his toes?_

I risk a quick glance down.

_No, it's an optical illusion! How does he do that? Is he wearing platform shoes under his scrubs? Or maybe..._

I don't see it coming. I'm staring thoughtfully at a spot just to the right of his left shoulder, but I definitely should have anticipated it; either way I am surprised.

!CRUNCH!

_Yes. That was the sound of my nose breaking, everyone. __**Thank**__ you._

My hands automatically jerk up to my nose, even as my mind screams at me to put them behind me to break my fall. My perspective shifts and that second slows down to a crawl.

Then the back of my head connects with the hard tile, and I'm out.

--

_When waking up in a hospital bed at Sacred Heart it's important to- ah, fuck it, I'm __**so**__ not doing this right now._

I groan, louder than was probably warranted, as consciousness does its slow filtering in thing. Then it slams me across the temple with a sledgehammer.

**I whistle happily as I go merrily on my way. The birds are singing and the sun is bright, making the dew on every surface just **_**sparkle**_**.**

**Then I trip and fall into fresh asphalt, sinking up to my neck. It dries instantly, as if waiting for me to become submerged, and workers go straight to using jackhammers. **

**One, of course, is for my own head.**

I jolt back to awareness with a hand gently shaking my shoulder and I sit up in bed**.**

"I don't know _why_ they were using jackhammers on a road they just poured!" I yell indignantly before I can piece together my surroundings. I cringe at the sound of my own voice and drop myself back against the pillow, only to wince and give a muffle cry of pain as it roughly hits the bandage on the back of my head.

_Oh no! They didn't shave off a big patch of my hair, did they?! AAah! I'd have to wear hats over this glorious, sexy hair! No!_

I lift my head slightly and frantically begin feeling along the edges of the gauze. It seems to be taped to my scalp.

_Going to have to be real careful taking this off... the hair must be protected._

Digging around, I manage to gently peel one corner up and slide a finger inside. I breathe a sigh of relief; it's all there except for one small, horizontal cut that I poke at a bit and feel the tiny stitches.

_I can hide that._

After my exploratory prodding, I squint my eyes open, but close them fast because of the bright, uh, sunlight.

"How long was I out?" I cautiously crack one eye open, and then peer at the nurse beside me, who is gazing at me with concern. I don't recognize her, but that doesn't surprise me, because aside from Carla, I'm pretty sure I don't even know any of their names.

_Hmm... Maybe I am a bigot towards underlings, like the Janitor says..._

"It has been two hours since the last time you were awake, Dr. Dorian." She gives me a sickeningly cheerful smile.

_Short-term memory loss? Check._

"How long ago was I injured?" I struggle to make my eyes focus better on her, and I almost sigh in relief when my vision sharpens.

"You fell over eleven hours ago. Everyone was really worried about you." The nurse's voice is way too chirpy for my head right now; I want to snap at her.

_I wonder if this is how Dr. Cox feels... all the time. Wait! Fell?!_

"I _fell_?" I do snap at her, and don't feel even a little bit sorry.

"Ye-yes. You don't remember that either?" I hate her 'I should probably call a psych consult' voice even more. "You fell on the stairs to the roof, but you only hit twice on the steps. You're very lucky Dr. Cox was there to catch you and stop your fall; the injuries could have been much worse, Dr. Dorian." Her tone is admonishing, and she actually wags, _wags, _her finger at me.

_Only Carla can do that to me!_

"Get out."

"But Dr. Dorian, your responses need to be checked."

"Then get a different nurse. Out!"

The nurse huffs, straightens her pink scrubs, and then _finally _leaves the room.

I settle myself more comfortably on the bed; the scratchy, mostly flat but still slightly lumpy bed that is completely incompatible with the concept of comfort. I hear a soft snort from the direction of the doorway. I tense up a little. I know who made that sound, and I arrange my features appropriately for my most disapproving frown.

I open my eyes and frown _hard_. Only to blink back the _fake_ tears that sinus pain can cause, as frowning pulls the skin taut around my nose and reminds me very clearly that it is broken.

Dr. Cox looks fucking _amused_. I'm itching to strangle him.

"Well there, Bella, I'm really impressed by your show of womanly might. You sure showed that nurse who's the boss, seeing as you're a," he inclines his head and puts emphasis on his next word, "_doctor_. And they're required, in order to _na-ot_ lose their jobs, to listen to _you_. Way to go, Vixen! Bravo! Bra-"

Dr. Cox brings his hands up and is prepared to clap when my tenuous composure cracks.

"Shut! Up! Just shut up, Cox!" I can't handle this right now. I am having a very bad day, and it just started. My head feels like it's going to implode, and little rolls of gauze are still wedged up in my nostrils, although I am positive they could have been taken out hours ago. I tug them out and toss them at the garbage can; I hate breathing through my mouth. "You told everybody I _fell_? And that _you_ saved me?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Dr. Cox gives that piercing whistle of his to keep me from going any further. It works, not because it scares me this time, I'm too angry, but because it feels very much like how I imagine an ice pick drilling through my brain would feel as the sharp noise assaults my eardrums.

"Listen! Newbie…" He trails off and looks away for a moment, taking a deep breath. He finally turns back to meet my eyes; which are scrunched up from the pain, but that I am determined to keep open. I find that his are tired and appear almost… regretful.

_Is he... going to apologize? I need my tape recorder, now!_

"I shouldn't have hit you."

"Damn right, you shouldn't have!" I can't help but quip out.

"Caroline." He growls it at me, and his arms once again find their nook over his chest.

"Yes?" I say it as perkily as I possibly can and he actually smiles at me.

_He smiled at __**me**__. I'm going to melt... No! Stay strong, Dorian! But look at his dimples... I've always had a thing for dimples, and his are so __**big**__._

I smile back, and seriously consider kicking myself. I try to decide on what place would do the most damage and that I could reach.

_I'm going to be like one of those women who get beaten, but as soon as there is an apology, they go back. I need to stop comparing myself to women!_

"Guinevere, I couldn't exactly tell them that I punched you and caused you to split open that ditsy little head of yours." He speaks matter-of-factly, as though the conversation is closed.

"Why not?" I glare at him and cross my arms over my chest in imitation. The desire to flick my nose, definitely _not_ a good idea right now, is very strong, and I dig my fingers into my biceps to keep them down there.

"Kelso would have suspended me for Devil knows how long. Another shrink would have been added to the other two worthless pieces of shit I already see for four hours a week, to talk about my fucking _feelings_. I would have had to spend _all_ day and _all_ night with the Harpy, which most _cer-er-tainly_ means I would have been sent to prison for _murder_."

When Dr. Cox finishes, he stares at me and surprisingly waits for me to respond; breathing very rapidly.

_Holy crap! He's actually giving me time to answer him! Or maybe he just can't talk any more at the moment... Think, Dorian, think! Think of something you've always wanted to say to him while he can't talk! Wow, the man's lung capacity is amazing... Focus! Hey._

"You just want to save your own ass; that is _just_ great. None of what you mentioned benefits me in any possible way." I throw my hands up in the air as I speak, drop them back down, and then settle for shaking my head in disappointment at him. I also glare; I think I'm getting good at it.

_There's the flick._

My eyes follow the movement of his right index finger.

_Hey, my visual response isn't that bad._

"_Sooo,_ you want to blackmail me, Newbie?" His left eyelid twitches a bit.

"Blackmail? Hmm…" I can't stop myself. My head tilts up and to the right, and my eyes glaze over.

"Oh good lord."

**It is a blissfully warm, summer day. The sunlight catches on the gentle ripples of clear, blue water in the elegant, marbled pool; while shadows dance along the bottom.**

**I recline in a lounge chair upholstered with tasteful Hawaiian print, sipping my appletini. My pearly-white, smooth skin seems to give off its own glow underneath the double-layer of the strongest sunscreen ever created.**

**I sigh happily and take another sip, only to find it empty. I pout for a moment, but then a light bulb bursts into being above my head.**

"**Perry! Another appletini, **_**now**_**!" I shout; voice sharp. I flip over onto my stomach, perch myself on the armrest and rest my chin on the top of the chair; ready to watch.**

**And then he appears, in all his glory, from out of my ten bedrooms, six baths, two kitchens, dining room, living room, den, billiard room, ballroom, and cozy little cottage.**

**His bronze skin glistens from being slathered, **_**by me**_**, with baby oil. His generous muscle flex and stretch in graceful lines as he moves with an exaggerated, sexy sway to his hips. Those springy curls that I love so much are nearly bleached blonde from all the mandatory sunbathing. And last, but certainly not least in any way, I drop my lingering gaze down, drinking him in… and then my eyes pop wide open to my deer in the headlights look.**

"**You're not supposed to be wearing **_**anything**_**! WHY ARE YOU WEARING A BANANA HAMMOCK?!"**

"**What's up?" A seductive purr comes from behind me.**

**I let out a surprised screech, a **_**manly**_** screech I tell you, and spin around.**

"**The Todd is here. Oooh yeeaah." Todd gives me his slow-motion nod, then suddenly pulls his arms into a flex with an accompanying sound effect and begins showing off his poses. "You don't just have these massive, hard, permitted weapons to touch; there's a lot more of The Todd than that to touch."**

**I cover my eyes and scream, but I can still hear that mellow voice…**

"_**Dude**_**. Sweet, you're wearing one too. That calls for a banana hammock five. C'mon!"**

**And I can still hear fingers snapping.**

"I don't like you like that, Todd!" I scramble backwards and almost fall off of the bed. I scan the small hospital room, and then make eye contact with Dr. Cox. "Thank god it was a dream." I mumble to myself as I scoot back to the middle of the bed. My brow furls slightly and I cock my head diagonally while I examine the other man. He looks back at me, but his face is completely devoid of any expression; it is disturbing. "Are you okay, Dr. Cox?"

"I do _not_ want details."

_Damn it! Was I talking during it? I hardly ever do. Wait! I did last night! Damn! Why are all of my fantasies letting me down lately?!_

"Don't _e-ev-ver_ call me Perry."

_Fuck!_

"Alright, Pe-Dr. Cox!" I suavely cover my near-slip by saying his last name extra loud.

_I'm smooth. _

I nod to myself, and then glance up to check on Cox; he's glaring at me again.

_Oh thank __**God**__! That blank look was creepy. I wonder if __**I**__ look the same way when I-_

My head once again starts its familiar tilt.

!SNAP!

I jump; once again focused… _intently_ as I stare at the hand held up disconcertingly close in front of my face, and the way the middle finger is pressed down against the palm with the thumb resting on the index.

"No snapping! Ever!" I glower at him and he just smirks down at me.

_When did he get up? Maybe he has super powers I don't know about?_

Before I can even twitch my neck-

"Hey!"

"It's the head-injury! I know it is, because I've never had this little control over 'drifting off' before!" I cry out in my defense as his mouth opens once more to speak.

Dr. Cox closes his mouth with an audible clack off his teeth and I wince. He turns as though to stretch out some, but as soon as his back is turned he talks.

"I suppose that theory is possible, Brianna." He twists his shoulders sharply to the left and the motion results in a resounding crack from his spine. He faces me again.

"I _know_ it's possible. You're not the only doctor in the room." I reply in my peppy, in your face inflection.

"At least you're feeling better."

_He doesn't look too happy about that..._

"Now, can you tell me what you want, so I can go _back_ to doing my _job_?" His eyes are unwavering on mine.

I stare back and think.

But apparently, I'm taking too long.

"Come on, come _on_, Newbie. Hurry it up!" Dr. Cox grinds out, his jaw barely moving; it looks like he might be clenching it too tightly to do so.

"Don't rush me! This is a very important decision!"

_Wait... I know what I want. It's so obvious._

"I want you to kiss me." I say it very gravely, as though I am telling a family member that their loved one has died. My eyes are fixed down on the pale blanket that's pulled up to my waist, and I pluck absent-mindedly at a loose string while I wait.

Silence.

"Tenika, I injure you, fairly seriously I might add, and all _you_ want is a _kiss_ in exchange?" His face is tinged a bit with glee and he chuckles, shaking his head for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at me with a tight-lipped smile. "And here I was thinking you couldn't _pa-os-sibly_ be more of a girl, but I was so wrong."

"Hey! I'm not talking about just _any_ kiss! There has to be tongue, _full_ involvement on your part, and it has to last for at _least_ five minutes!" I declare as though I'm laying out the terms for a war. I feel my heart skip as I see that he still looks entertained, even after all of my words are out.

"Fair enough, Newbie, if that's what you want."

"It is."

Dr. Cox walks towards me slowly. It only takes a couple of steps for him to reach the side of my bed, but my mind still jumps back to the way he approached me in my shower fantasy. My heart rate quickly increases, causing my temples to throb, but I find it amazingly easy to ignore. I don't even think I'm thinking at the moment, but I blurt out coherent words.

"Don't bump my nose!"

_Shut up! Don't ruin the mood!_

He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his own nose with the middle finger and thumb of his right hand. He holds that stance for a few seconds, then releases and drops his arm back at his side; sighing.

"I won't."

I watch the older man curiously as he starts pushing buttons on the watch that is attached to his left wrist.

"What are you doing?" I am, as usual, unable to keep my silence for long.

"Setting the timer on my watch for five minutes." He replies casually.

"Oh." I wait patiently as some of the heat starts to fade from my body at his words, at how almost _bored_ he sounds.

My blood begins to pound once more, though, when he turns his attention from the digital face of his watch, and seems to _study _me. His hand is still at his wrist.

"Time starts now." He pushes one button and leans over my prone body, bringing his face closer to mine.

_Do I close my eyes or keep them ope-?!_

My frantic inner dialogue is cut off as his lips touch mine experimentally, and I only register the feeling of how _soft _they are. I wasn't expecting that.

I gasp, and his tongue slides first along my thick bottom lip, then to my upper before pushing past my teeth to flick at the roof of my mouth. I whimper at the fact that this is really _fucking_ happening.

But I want a lot more if I only have five minutes.

I reach up with both hands and tangle them in his curls in a way I've wanted to do for _so _long, and pull him harder against me. I thrust my tongue and rub it against his, prior to angling my head for better access and forcing it into _his_ mouth. He gives a grunt of surprise and tries to pull back, but I hold him in place; fingers tightening at his scalp.

It appears that he didn't expect me to take the lead, but if there's one thing John Michael Dorian knows how to do, it's kiss. And I plan to prove it.

I probe and suckle, purely just taking in the _taste_ of him for a breathless moment. It is predominately coffee, and I hum an appreciative 'Mmm' into him that lightly vibrates his jaw.

I frown when I notice the other man isn't moving. I break the kiss and pull back an inch to state firmly.

"_Full_ participation, Dr. Cox."

That seems to end his passiveness and spurn him in action. And damn, _what _action; the man never does anything halfway.

He presses roughly down, using his leverage, and wrestles tongue on tongue with me, trying to battle back into my mouth while I fight to stay in his. With his right hand, he strokes the slight muscles of my back and then reaches higher. I think he was going for my hair, but seems to remember my injury at the last moment, and instead he grips my neck tightly. He applies strong pressure, pulling at me, much like the way I am using the now messy brown strands clutched between my fingers to pull at him.

The grasp Dr. Cox is using, instead of just adding more strength to the kiss, also causes me to arch my back, and being so close together, it brings my chest flush against his. I moan loudly, the new contact distracting me from our struggle and I lose, allowing him to plunge back into my mouth.

I don't mind. He is so firm; a comforting mass of taut muscles. I want to pull him up onto me fully as he presses more of his weight down on me. I almost jump when he brings his left hand up from the bed to my side and caresses me through my hospital gown. The thin sheet covering me is dragged down as he slides down and clenches his fingers sharply into the swell of my ass. Gasping, I jerk my head away from him and lift my hips mindlessly as I seek contact with anything, only to murmur in near pain as his body, pressed against just my torso, prevents me.

"_Please, _Dr. Cox, _please_." I plead with him, not caring at all that I'm begging. My mind is clouded, and I ache _so badly_ that it is excruciating. My entire body seems to throb, but it all centers on my maddeningly hard dick. "I'll do _anything_, anything you _want_, just _please_."

beep beep beep beep beep

My breath catches in my throat. His watch; time's up.

_Oh God no._

I close my eyes and I almost cry in frustration. Hell, I might already be crying. I feel him shift and the insistent beeping stops.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

That one word repeats over and over in my mind, and I don't even register the fact that Dr. Cox has yet to move; until he does.

But he doesn't move away.

He slides his left leg up and over mine, pulling himself fully onto the bed, and fully onto _me_.

I can't breathe.

Then he pushes down hard against me and _grinds_ himself on me, on my thigh, and feeling his answering hardness straining to escape his scrubs, I take a sharp breath and cry out. I arch my neck, my back, and then shove myself back as hard as I can on the bed so I can thrust my lower body against the thigh that is between my legs. He thrusts down to meet me. White hot flashes, like lightning, surge through me and I moan deep in the back of my throat.

"Fuck! More! Damn it, _Please_!" I vaguely note his reaction to that word, and try to file that knowledge away for later contemplation.

His mouth is on mine again, almost instantly, and there's no finesse this time. He licks, nips, and crushes my lips with bruising force, as his hips drive forward against mine over and over. I am so close to the edge that I can just haphazardly try to match his rapid movement; completely lost to the sensations. I can only focus on how fucking good it feels, the way his thigh rubs hard against my cock; giving me the friction I craved, _needed_.

I crash over.

I scream into Cox's mouth as I come, and then abruptly fall silent as I can only lay twitching and jerking with the aftershocks.

That seems to be exactly what he was waiting for. As soon as I am quiet he releases my swollen lips from the welcomed abuse and raises himself up and away from me. I observe curiously, feeling somewhat like a rag doll, as he grabs onto my hips and twists me slightly to the side, propping my ass on his right thigh. Now, with a more solid and higher raised part of me exposed and straddled, he resumes his thrusts with more force, keeping me firmly in place with the tight grip of his hands.

I watch him, my eyes half-open, as I rock hard against the mattress each time he pushes against me. I bite back a laugh at how wild his hair is; I don't want to distract him. His eyes are clinched tightly shut and his mouth is slightly open to allow the rapid pants of air through. I wish fervently that his shirt is off, no fuck, that all of his clothes are gone. Through the tight fabric, my eyes trace the constricting muscles of his heaving chest, the slight spasms in that delicious looking stomach, and the bulge in his pants that he thrusts almost violently against me. I want to watch him naked, to be able to see every inch of him as he moves towards the edge.

An erratic thrust and full body shudder from the other man alerts me and I look back up at his face. His jaw snaps shut, lips pressing together, and his eyes open; locking onto mine. As he comes, he drops heavily down to lie on top of me and buries his face against my neck; his rapid pants blowing on my cooling skin.

I listen to his breathing as it gradually slows down, feel his heart beat against my arm, and try to keep my mouth shut about how fucking uncomfortable this position is with his weight pressing me down at odd angles.

He clears his throat and moves off of me. With a happy sigh of relief, I move into a more comfortable position, and watch as he sits up and stretches, his back once again giving an alarmingly loud crack. He turns his head and simply looks back at me. I quickly begin to feel a bit uneasy under his gaze, so, of course, I talk.

"We just had frottage together."

_Damn it! I need to stay with the shutting up._

"Frottage?" Dr. Cox frowns.

"Yeah, you know. It's where you rub against another person, fully clothed, until you come."

"Goddamn it, Newbie, you just have to rub _that_ in, don't you?"

--

I wake up to the sensation of someone's hand wrapped tightly around my own and I smile; squeezing the hand and having it squeeze back.

_That's weird... I don't remember going to sleep. I wonder who that is; they have a soft hand._

The jackhammers are back and happily chipping away at my skull; nothing new there.

"Hey, could I have some painkillers? The construction workers are trying to kill me." My voice comes out a lot quieter than I expect and I not sure for a moment if the person at my bedside will be able to hear my request.

"Of course, Bambi. I'll go get it." Carla squeezes my hand once more and I feel a kiss be pressed onto my forehead. "Be right back, okay?"

I nod instead of speaking. My mind is starting to feel hazy, dull around the edges, and I vaguely wonder why I am so tired when I just woke up.

_I should... be feeling better... now. Maybe Dr... Dr. Cox wore me out... too much._

Even my thoughts are hard to piece together, but I still manage to smirk at the thought. I hear the light tap of shoes, pry my eyes open, and try to focus on Carla. The room is dimly lit, but the edges of my vision are darker than they should be. I can only make out a moving pink blur, and when I blink my eyes rapidly to try to clear them, my sight remains the same. I fight back panic.

"Carla? I can't see right…" My voice sounds pathetic to my ears; weak and strained.

"It's going to be alright, JD. You just need to rest, and it will get better." Carla soothes, and pats my arm lightly. "I brought your medicine. It's only Tylenol, so it won't take the pain away completely, but it is all you can have right now. Here you go."

I frown when she cups her hand against my lips. "Just hand them to me and I'll take them." I say irritably and attempt to raise my right arm. My panic rises when it doesn't respond like it should; kind of jerkily moving to the side instead of up towards my chest. "Carla? Why do I feel so much worse now than earlier?"

"Worse now than earlier?" Her voice is nearly a whisper, and I suspect she's talking to herself and not me. She speaks normally again. "Bambi, it has only been an hour since you were hurt. You have a concussion."

"I _know_ I have a concussion!" I snap as loudly at her as I can, but it still comes out pretty quiet. "Where is Dr. Cox?"

"Bambi…" There is something in her tone that alarms me.

"_Where_ is he?!" I demand.

Carla sighs.

"Oh, Bambi, you don't remember what happened, do you? Dr. Cox was the one who brought you here, and he told us what he did. How he… how he was the one who hurt you. Kelso suspended him."

I work my jaw; trying to say something.

_It was __**another**__ fucking dream?_

I feel myself start to slip down into unconsciousness.

_Now I won't be able to blackmail him..._

**End Chapter.**

**A/N: Yeah. I had no **_**conscious**_** idea this was going to turn out to be a dream, but then I read back through it and realized it's riddled with hints that this **_**was**_** going to happen. Damn subconscious. Tricked me again. (Sub: 1382 pts. Me: 0 pts.) **

**Oh yeah, everything up until Dr. Cox punched JD, actually happened that way. It wasn't some sort of weird dream thing of his of how it went down... He **_**did**_** call him Coxie... I know I know, it's obvious, but it's something I would actually wonder about if I didn't write this and just read it.**

**No, I am NOT crazy! Stop talking to my psychiatrist. **


	3. Other Side of the Looking Glass

**A/N: '**whimpers**' I apologize ahead of time; I'm very unhappy with this chapter. I tweaked it, changed it, completely overhauled it, and finally my mind said fuck it. It's extra clunky and disjointed. My sentence structure is a mess, I couldn't decide where to start and stop my paragraphs, and I went semicolon happy. '**hisses**' But it does advance the story, which keeps me as sane as I get. Also, my writing style has varied each chapter, and I'm not sure if it is evolving or regressing. I think my dialog **_**might**_** have gotten a bit better.**

**On an irritatingly unrelated note, I re-watched the first episode of Scrubs, and about had a heart attack when I realized I hadn't noticed that Cox calls JD by his **_**real**_** name, twice! With a slight emphasis on the separation between the J and the D. Hehe…**

**I think the first person POV got to me; I injected JD with a chunk of my own personality, but that will go away soon... Elliot's probably a bit more spastic than she should be, maybe not.**

**Last fragment, this is dedicated to Turk, because I hate how much he is neglected in most fanfiction. There's also a shout-out to House M.D., but it's not going to turn into a crossover, sorry.**

**It's sad, but A/Ns are my favorite part, I have to wait until I done and then I get **_**bitch**_**! Doesn't even matter if anyone reads it; I feel better just typing it out.**

Chapter Three

_When you have been a doctor at Sacred Heart for as long as I have, it can be difficult to adjust to being a patient, and you find things look a bit different from the other side._

I stare at the ceiling of the private hospital room. It has been my home away from home for the last week, since what I refer to as 'The Accident'. This causes waves of silent rage from Turk, wide-eyed disbelief from Elliot, and, even worse, pity from Carla.

Taking slow, deep breaths, I clear my mind the best that I can, and practice relaxation exercises. My therapist has instructed me to do this at least five times a day. It is supposed to help ease the pain of my headache, which at best, is a steady bashing against my skull as my brain tries to escape. More often then I care to think about, though, it spirals into a mind-numbing migraine. I then flee to the nearest darkened room, and curl up in a corner until it abates.

I do the exercises for what I figure is close to twenty minutes, before I push myself into a sitting position and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I maintain a firm grip on the mattress, and hesitantly check my ability to stand, as my toes, and then heels touch the cold linoleum floor.

A little wobbly, but I think I can walk.

My balance and coordination is still out of whack, but much better than the first time I tried to get up since the… incident.

_Maybe I should test that word out on them?_

I had been so determined to be up and about the day after that I had hopped to the floor. If those two nurses hadn't been there, I would have hit the ground hard as my legs had immediately given out.

_One of the most embarrassing moments, __**ever**__. I'm a doctor! Damn it!_

Nausea, without the surge of adrenaline this time, churns in my stomach as I think of how much damage I could have done to myself. It was bad to sustain any impact to your cranium even _months_ after a head injury.

_Smooth, Dorian, real smooth._

Now, except for the occasional bouts of dizziness, I manage to get around alright on my own.

Dressing is more difficult then normal, but I have developed a system I go through each morning.

First, I creep carefully over to the door and lock it.

I'm not supposed to, but I am not having someone walk in on a naked me again anytime soon.

_Not unless it's Dr. Cox… and he's __**really**__ happy to see me._

Then I move to the chair sitting underneath the window. There's a small table to the side with my clothes folded neatly on top; having been placed there by the night nurse assigned to me. I still don't know her real name, but I have affectionately given her the nickname 'Moonlight'.

I think she likes it.

Next, I remove the way too drafty gown, wad it up, and toss it on… well, in the general direction of the bed. I wasn't good at throwing things even before hitting my head.

I grab the armrests and ease myself onto the chair, which is covered by a clean towel I place on it every night before I go, or try to go, to sleep.

_No way my pride and joy is touching __**this **__chair without a barrier. Who knows what I could pick up...? It might fall off or become deformed! Then how would I pick up the ladies? Hmm... I wonder if Dr. Cox is an ass-man..._

I grimace. I keep thinking about him more the longer I go without seeing him, and Dr. Kelso still won't say the definite length of his suspension.

I know I should be angry at Cox, but I'm not.

Actually, I feel guilty.

All three of my best friends would flip out on me if they knew, but I have been keeping a lot of the emotions I've been experiencing from them. I know they mean well, but just being around them has really been wearing me out, with all the cautious glances and careful words; like I was going to break at any given moment.

I can't deny the feeling, though. It's lodged in my brain, almost literally. I had provoked the other man unnecessarily, and I _know_ he hadn't meant to hurt me this seriously. I mean, come on, he had _confessed_, and gotten suspended for me. The man who's favorite motto is 'If I'm not here, people die'. That's why I maintain that it was an accident.

I shake off my thoughts and return to getting myself dressed.

I grab my boxers and lean over in the chair. I place one foot at a time through them, pull them up to my knees, and then use the armrests to stand, before tugging them on completely. I repeat the process with my jeans, except with a whole lot more toe snagging. Socks and shoes are next, and my least favorite part. Bending over long enough to slip them on and tie the laces increases the throbbing in my head, and makes me feel woozy. I finish and rest back against the chair as I wait for my head to stop spinning, before slipping into my t-shirt.

Alright, time to go out and greet the world.

I wish I was happier about doing that.

--

_Not working as a doctor at a hospital is strange. There are no patients for you to treat, no tests to run, and no sexy, older doctor to bring coffee to. In other words, it is very boring. But luckily for me, I have found something else to occupy my time. _

"Janitor." I growl the name as I stealthily peer around the corner at my prey.

_My arch-nemesis has been nice to me ever since my injury. I don't know if it is because he doesn't recognize me without my scrubs, or if he doesn't want to be suspended like Dr. Cox. Either way, I have become fixated on getting him back for all the times he tormented me. So far he has eluded me._

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"Shit!" I yell and immediately cover my mouth.

_Damn it! I need to stop cussing in the hospital! At least I didn't scream like a girl..._

I spin around and find Turk standing behind me. His eyes are wide with surprise, and he raises his hands in a placating manner when I glare at him.

"Whoa, jumpy much, man?"

"Don't sneak up on me!" My heart is racing, and I clench my hands into fists to hide the fact that they're shaking. Turk notices and eyes them warily, before looking up to stare at me in concern.

"You alright, JD?" He speaks quietly, in his best 'I got your back', confidant voice. The one he uses to remind me that I can tell him anything. The one that always make me feel like a bastard when I don't want to talk to him.

Like now.

"Yeah, I'm alright. You just startled me, that's all. I was stalk- people watching. Guess I got kind of into it." I force a goofy smile that would normally come naturally, and attempt to make my eyes match the expression. I know I've failed when Turk only gives me a small, half smile in return.

"I don't mean to pry. I'm just worried about you, you know? You've been pretty off lately."

_I can't move like a normal person and I have a fucking headache that never goes away! Of course I'm a little off, you idiot! Whoa, why am I so angry? I shouldn't get mad at Turk..._

"Yeah, but you know how head injuries are. I'll get better. Hey, at least the swelling in my nose is gone, and I think it was set really well. See, it's not crooked. Don't you think it looks like it used to?" I gaze at him with imploring, pity-inducing eyes. I know I still look like crap, especially with the two black eyes I'm sporting.

_Maybe that's part of the reason everyone's so mad. Dr. Cox did hit me really, really hard._

"I don't know. There's still a lot of discolor- yeah. Yeah, it looks good, man. Real good." He nods as he studies my face, turning his head to one side, and then the other. "C'mon, Vanilla Bear, let's go get some lunch." He throws his right arm around my shoulders, and then struggles against a frown when I flinch.

"Sure thing, Chocolate Bear." I grin half-heartedly, and allow him to steer me down the hallway. He walks slowly enough for me to be able to keep up, with his arm still around me so it isn't obvious that I lean on him slightly for stability.

I know going to get some lunch isn't optional, so I don't bother to protest. I keep forgetting to eat, and Carla has been coming down hard on Turk to make sure I do.

The Janitor is actually mopping the floor as we make our way towards him.

"Good day, Janitor. Keep up the good work." I say in my jauntiest tone, and smile at him as we pass by.

"Why, good day! And thank you, kind sir, but I'm just doing my job." The Janitor gives me a cheeky grin and tips an imaginary hat.

My smile vanishes as soon as we're out of his line of sight.

_You have no idea what's coming, Janitor, but you will. You__** will**__._

"Hey man, still with me?"

"What? Yeah." I blink at my best friend, and realize, with a near tipsy-like thrill, that I don't remember the short journey to the lunchroom. This isn't the first time it has happened, but it is still peculiar to seem to be magically transported from one area to the next.

_I wonder what it's like to be Nightcrawler from X-Men. What would I do...?_

My head starts to cock sideways towards the ceiling, and I vaguely hear Turk sigh.

"I'll go grab us some food, V-Bear…"

**My skin is as dark as the night as I stalk through the shadows, and my tail flicks back and forth in anticipation. **

**Tonight, I will carry out my plan. **

**It is fool-proof, and nothing can prevent its inevitable completion. I cackle silently to myself. No one can-**

"**Say, Willow, what are you doing creeping through my hallway at one o'clock in the morning? I would think you'd be getting your beauty sleep right about now. You know, in preparation for when you go to pick up your daily mango-peach smoothie, in your hopes that you can entice that cute, coffee shop boy to ask you out on a date. The one with those **_**dre-ea-emy**_** blue eyes that you just **_**can-na-ot**_** resist. The one that makes your girlish, little heart just pitter-patter in your chest."**

_**Coffee shop boy is kind of hot... Focus! Damn these spotless, white walls! They completely clash with my skin-tone!**_

"**Now don't think I don't notice that you're not answering, Desirae, or think that if you stay **_**re-ie-el**_** still, I won't be able to see you. **_**I**_**, however, **_**do**_** need my sleep to be able to deal with baby-sitting those incompetent mini-mutants at the academy. So, why don't **_**you**_**, Zaylee, get **_**out**_** of my apartment? **_**Now**_**."**

**I stare at Cox. I take in the extra-shaggy curls, the stubble on his jaw that gives him a deliciously scruffy appearance, and his shirtless, chiseled chest that makes me lick back a line of drool.**

**A sharp whistle sounds, and I glance back up at his face. His eyes are bloodshot, and I'm guessing he might be a little drunk.**

"**I'm up here, Jeannine."**

**I pounce.**

**Or rather, I attempt to.**

**As soon as I near him, metal claws flash out, and I dodge; jumping and clinging to the ceiling for a moment. He leaps up and tries to skewer me, but in a blink of an eye, I drop down behind him. **

**I wrap my arms around him from the back, and we disappear, leaving a cloud of smoke and the faint smell of brimstone behind.**

"Dr. Cox would make a _great_ Wolverine… even better than Hugh Jackman." I murmur, and sigh blissfully to myself at the thought.

"What, JD?"

I jerk back to my surroundings. It doesn't surprise me as much that I'm sitting down at one of the lunch tables now, and not standing in front of the line where you get your food. It's how I imagine being woken up from sleepwalking would feel like.

I glance across the table at Elliot. She looks extremely… happy. That's a rarity when compared to anxiety attack Elliot, or stressed out Elliot, or someone made fun of me and I need reassurance Elliot… I let that train of thought trail off; I could go on for a while.

"Nothing, just thinking. How's your day going, Elliot?" I put on my best interested expression, and prepare myself for deciphering her usually fast-paced sentences.

"Well, you know that new oncologist, Dr. Wilson?" She says in a low voice and leans towards me confidentially, as though someone might be trying to listen. I am pretty sure that everyone else already knows; I'm probably the last to find out.

"No." I say it hesitantly, as it's not likely to be the right answer to give. I'm right.

"OhmyGod! JD! How could you not know about him?! He's smart, funny, sexy, and single! Although, I did hear something about him having three ex-wives… but that's not the point! He asked _me_ on a date, JD! Me!" Her eyes turn dreamy, and her head tilts just barely. "I'm going on a date with Dr. James Wilson."

"Uh, congratulations?" I venture tentatively. Elliot's mood swings have been making me nervous lately, and I can't figure out exactly why.

A knot of negative emotion seems to curl heavily in my stomach; I hate not being able to show the excitement and encouragement I normally would. She could really use a great guy in her life.

"Oh no! What if I mess this up?! I might end up letting the crazy out and scaring him off on our first date, JD! Or what if I keep it in and he likes crazy?! He's such a great guy! I can't let myself screw it up! I'm getting older… and I don't want to be a spinster! I don't even like kittens; much less cats! My clock is spiraling out the window! What should I do, JD?" She looks at me with pleading eyes that are tinged with terror.

I take a deep breath.

"Just be yourself, Elliot." I use my 'JD knows best' tone.

She glares at me.

_Great, JD, you pissed her off. Alright, just stay calm and make no sudden movements..._

"Just be myself?! JD, you _know_ me. How can you say that?" Now she switches to her hurt expression, looking at me like I'm the worst person on the planet. Just as quickly her face changes to alarm. "Frick! I need to decide what to wear! Oh, where's Carla…?"

I simply continue to stare at her, not moving. She was definitely more on the insane side today.

_When she does find someone and gets pregnant, I must avoid her at __**all costs**__; lest I be attacked and mauled..._

She gazes back at me for a few seconds. Finally, she blows at her bangs and stands; a tight grip on her lunch tray.

"See you, JD." With a confident nod, she turns on her heels, walks to the waste bin to dump her excess food, and quickly exits the room.

"Hey, sorry I had to take off for a minute."

I twitch as Turk sits down with two serving trays, and slides one in my direction. He raises his eyebrows at the unnerved look on my face.

"Dude, what did I miss?'

"Did you hear about this 'Dr. Wilson'?"

"Did I? Man, I've been hearing stuff about that doctor left and right, from Elliot and Carla _both_. I know his birthday, his blood type, hell, even his favorite color."

"Oh."

_As a patient, you find yourself left out of the loop more often than not._

--

_When administering revenge, one must have the reflexes of a mongoose and the skills of a ninja. Unfortunately for me, I was a bit lacking in that department at the moment. So, I had to rely on my abundance of intelligence and planning ability._

I shuffle as quietly as possible down the empty corridor.

The too bright, fluorescent lights sting my sensitized eyes. I can feel a migraine building behind my temples, but I have to do this _now_ or I might never have another chance.

The section of the hospital I am in is completely deserted and I not sure how long that will last.

There had been a fire in a large apartment complex. A very bad one from what I had pieced together from snippets of rushed conversation between the doctors and nurses. I had wanted to help, but ended up feeling helpless myself. I was yelled at to get out of the way, shooed, and finally physically hauled away from the ER.

_I wonder how many people are going to die because I'm useless as a doctor right now... I know an even greater amount more will be lost because Dr. Cox isn't here. And it's __**my**__ fault._

I beat my thoughts back with a mental stick. My shrink told me that remaining positive would speed up my recovery... as though I didn't already know that from dealing with patients, day in and day out.

So, I'm staying fucking positive. Psychiatrist's orders.

I am really beginning to hate that woman, whatever her name is.

_Maybe it's a twisted form of reverse psychology... that I loath her so much that I work tirelessly to __**never**__ see her again... _

I scan the hallway as I move and listen for footsteps, or any other signs of human life.

None.

_Perfect_.

I reach my destination and look first left, then right, before crouching down in front of a door. I set down the object that I had been clutching against my chest. The hold had been partly to hide it from the view of the casual passerby, and partly to keep from dropping it when my hands would spasm unexpectedly. I read the words on the bright green can again.

'Touch 'n Foam, Max Fill – Insulating Expanding Sealant'

I fight the urge to giggle.

I take off the cap, fasten on the optional bendy attachment, and begin my work. I start at the bottom right corner, and make sure to spray a light, even amount along the small crack between the floor and the door.

It takes several more anxious minutes; involving a lot of quick glances up and down the hall, but not one person comes within sight of me.

I finally step back and give a self-satisfied sigh; eyeing my handiwork. Not one bit of the sealant is visible, but every inch of the border is now slowly gluing together. I'm proud of and amazed at what my unsteady hands have accomplished.

_Maybe I will be able to go back to being a doctor..._

A genuine smile tugs at my lips. I feel close to happy for the first time all week as I read the sign affixed to the door.

'CUSTODIAL CLOSET'

_How's __**that**__ for a penny, Janitor?_

My smile vanishes, though, when I realize I can't open my left hand.

The same hand I had used to direct the spray of the sealant.

_I need nail polish remover, NOW! Why didn't I wear gloves like it said to do on the canister?! Gloves are __**everywhere**__ in a hospital!_

I take off at the quickest weaving gait I can handle without falling, and head down the hall that will eventually bring me to the nurses' station.

_Someone there has to have some! Or maybe even some paint thinner... which is probably in the custodial closet._

I suddenly lurch to a stop beside a trash can. I use my unsealed hand to wrap the 'Touch 'n Foam' in the bottom of my shirt, and viciously rub at the surface of the can for a moment. Then I lean over the bin, release my shirt to let the sealant container fall into it, and continue on my rush to find some form of acetone.

--

_Thank God Laverne__** did **__have some nail polish remover, and my hand only burns a little bit..._

I sit on the gravel that covers the roof of the hospital, with my head resting back against the short wall that encircles it. I look up at the stars and wish, not for the first time, that I knew the constellations.

The most painful sensation I have ever felt drills through my temples. There is no ebb and flow. It is just a constant, slowly building presence behind my eyes, and it shocks me that none of my blood vessels have ruptured yet.

_I hope the Janitor waits until tomorrow to try to open his closet... because there's no way in hell I'm moving right now._

My legs are pulled up tightly against my chest with my arms wrapped loosely around them, and I hunch over, setting my chin in between my kneecaps. Ripping my transfixed gaze from the sparkling, black sky; I close my eyes and retreat into my mind.

"**Hey, Evangeline." **

"**Hey." I reply.**

"**You called?" Dr. Cox sounds amused. I open my eyes and watch him crouch down. He rests his weight on his right arm, uses the other for balance, and sits down beside me. He's dressed as he normally is around the hospital; sans coat.**

"**Yeah."**

"**You know I'm not real this time… right, kid?" His tone is careful.**

"**Yeah." I just watch him, my left cheek resting on my knees. He gives a soft snort.**

"**I wish you were this talkative in real life." He laces his fingers together behind his head and leans against the cement barrier.**

"**I just wanted to see you." I whisper the words and groan, wanting to smack myself on the forehead.**

"**Always the girl, there, Newbie. Some things never change." His words are mild. "But some things do…"**

"**It's me that's changing, and I'm worried about it… No, I can admit this to myself, damn it! I'm afraid." I release my legs and stretch them out in front of me. "I think I might be losing my mind… The memory loss is normal, but my daydreams… they are so **_**vivid**_**."**

"**Hallucinations, Aya." Dr. Cox corrects me and I scrunch my face up slightly in concentration; gazing off into space. It takes me a few minutes before I respond.**

"**Peduncular hallucinosis?" I ask with a frown, and glance back over at the older man. "But that suggests dementia, and I didn't hit my head **_**that**_** hard..." I trail off and wait for confirmation. **

**He sighs and shakes his head.**

"**You need to stop playing dumb, Tashonda, even if it is second nature to you, and I'm convinced that it's not just an act ninety percent of the time." His eyes are serious. "But if you insist, I'll spell it out for you. It doesn't always take massive trauma to cause a condition like this. All you need is to simply be… lucky enough to damage just the right spot in your brain."**

"**Yeah." I return to the solace of monosyllabic responses.**

"**It's only been a week. Give it time before you start wringing your delicate little hands and weeping." He looks at me angrily and I stare back passively. "Because I don't want to **_**fucking**_** hear it."**

**I shiver at the spikes of arousal that run along my spine from the growling tone of his voice. **

_**And the fact that he said 'fucking'... Real mature, JD.**_

**He removes his hands from the back of his head and drops his arms, letting his palms rest on the little stones covering the ground.**

"**So, it's going to be one of **_**those**_** dreams?" The older doctor raises an eyebrow at me, and cocks his head to the side. "For Christ's sake, Newbie, you could have chosen a more comfortable location."**

**I shrug.**

"**Who says we have to sit or lay down?" I give him a playful look and stand. "Besides, I've **_**always**_** wanted to have sex on the roof... with you." I finish the statement and cross my arms; raising my chin to peer down at him through my lashes.**

**He chuckles softly and pushes himself up into a standing position as well.**

"**Even though this is all in your mind?" The complex way he stares at me makes a bolt of unease run through my body, and raises goosebumps on my arms.**

"**Even though." I give a humorless laugh. "It's not like I'll ever get the real thing, now is it?"**

"**Then this fantasy is **_**ex-tre-emly**_** unhealthy, Lola."**

**I step forward, bury my fingers in his hair, and roughly pull him in for a kiss. **

**I'm done talking.**

**I'm nowhere near gentle; I **_**claim**_** his mouth and cause our teeth to clack together unpleasantly. I ignore it. **

**Plunging my tongue between his lips; I concentrate in a manner that feels odd, and suddenly he tastes like key lime pie. I smirk into the kiss.**

_**I'm definitely starting to see the perks of delusion...**_

**Dr. Cox breaks out of my hold, even though his hair snags sharply on my fingers. He takes a step back and glares at me.**

"**I **_**hate**_** lime, Newbie."**

"**Too bad. **_**I**_** think you should taste like it." My tone is smug, and he grabs the collar of my shirt, bunching it, and tugs me effortlessly back to him.**

_**Mmm, key lime Cox... Best flavor **__**ever**__**...**_

**I run my tongue over his teeth, before twirling and rubbing the dexterous muscle against his own. In a pantomime of other activities, I leisurely bob my head, my lips pulling at his with each dip; stroking in and out along the roof of his mouth. He allows it for a minute, sucking on my tongue with each outward slide, and then growls and pulls his head back a short distance from mine.**

"**Fucking tease."**

"**Say the first word again..." I practically purr at him.**

"_**Fucking**_** tease."**

**I kiss him again and allow a little leeway so he can explore my mouth. He traps my arms with his own, clutches my waist and jerks our hips together. I moan into him as my straining erection brushes against his. Cox sets up a slow, steady grind that quickly has me breathing almost too rapidly for my nose to handle.**

**My hands are stuck right where I want them, and I pull up on his shirt until it comes loose from his pants. I slip in under the hem and press my palms firmly against his stomach; the tight muscles instantly constrict under his skin.**

**He separates our mouths with a gasp, and then trails his lips down my jaw to my right ear. Taking the lobe between his teeth; he tugs down sharply. With a cry and involuntary thrust, I arch my body against his.**

**Dr. Cox laughs quietly at my reaction and I snarl at him. It cuts off abruptly as he moves lower and applies suction to just the right spot on my neck. My mouth drops open soundlessly and my eyes roll back in my head.**

_**Not**__** fair! He knows all of my turn-on areas...**_

**I fight for control of myself, try not to hyperventilate, and return my focus to the smooth skin I'm currently touching. **

**I splay my hands and start caressing up his torso. He bites down on my neck right above the collar of my shirt, and I dig my short nails into his ribs. Releasing my waist, he jerks away from my hands; his breathing labored. **

**I know I'm not going to last through much more of this.**

_**Foreplay shouldn't feel this good...**_

**I grab the bottom of my t-shirt and swiftly pull it up over my head, mussing my already wild hair, and cast it uncaringly to the ground.**

"**Take off your clothes." My voice is rough as I give the order, and I reach to undo the button of my jeans. **

**He bares his teeth at me for a second, before complying and slowly peeling his shirt off. It gets tossed to the floor like mine, and I grin.**

"**Good boy." I praise and carefully unzip my pants. **

**He stops untying his scrub bottoms and snaps his head up; an expression of rage flashing across his face. I stumble backwards at the look, and my ass hits the low wall. I scramble for a grip on the edge to keep from tumbling off the building, and adrenaline surges through me.**

_**It feels so **__**real**__**.**_

**I meet his glare and smirk; letting go of the wall and leaning back.**

"**Maybe I should just jump off?" I mean it as a joke, but he looks at me in alarm.**

"_**No**_**! Goddamn it, Newbie! You might **_**actually**_** be up on the roof acting all of this out right now." His words are harsh and angry. He grabs onto my biceps hard enough to make me wince and hauls me away from the ledge. **

**Delayed fear slaps me in the face.**

_**People **__**die**__** while they're hallucinating. Damn it, Dorian, use your brain!**_

**Dr. Cox moves us closer to the door that leads back down into the hospital, and, seeming to consider it a safe place, releases my arms.**

**My blood is still buzzing in my veins from the close call, and I use the momentary increase in strength to my advantage. I grab the larger man's shoulders and push him up against the wall. **

_**Success!**_

**He scowls at me and I latch my lips onto his.**

**I thrust my pelvis against his and then make a sound of aggravation. I reach down and rip the knot loose on his scrubs; slide them and his underwear down over his hips and let them drop to the ground. His breath catches as his erection springs free, and he takes the unsubtle hint, crouching down in front of me to yank my jeans and boxers down my legs.**

**This action puts his mouth right in front of my cock, and I watch, mesmerized, as he starts to bend his neck; his head moving deliberately forward. **

**I seize his curls and urgently tug upwards. He straightens up to full height and flashes me a manic grin.**

**I can't handle that right now; I'm too **_**hard**_**, too **_**close**_**, and the bastard **_**knows**_** it.**

**I surge forward, secure my teeth over his bottom lip, and bite down, **_**hard**_**. I taste blood, and then he fists a hand into my hair, pulling until my throat is exposed to him. I tense, but he just mercilessly attacks **_**that**_** sensitive area of skin with his lips, this time on the left side.**

**I shudder and bring our bodies together; flesh sliding against flesh. He lets out a deep moan that my nerves vibrate along with, and grazes his teeth over my neck. I am unable to make a sound other than a choking intake of breath.**

**The Irish doctor abandons my hair, strokes his hands down my lower back, and grabs onto my ass; kneading me with his fingers. I whimper and seek out his lips, kissing desperately and forcing my tongue into his mouth. He returns the kiss for a second, and then moves his hold to my hips to immobilize me.**

**I look at him questioningly and as coherently as I can manage. He glances down, and I follow his gaze, watching as he brings his right hand over to our dicks. I gasp at his touch as he aligns us and then wraps his hand around as much of us as he can. **

**His intense, hooded eyes meet mine.**

**I reach my hand down and complete the circle, threading my fingertips tightly with his. **

**We both start thrusting into the taut friction created by our joined hands; the amazingly silky skin of our cocks rubbing forcefully together. **

**Already so close to the edge, it doesn't take long to build to a peak.**

**I give one last erratic drive into our grasp and come; the ferocity of the pleasure engulfs me and I bite into the soft tissue covering the other man's collar bone. I hazily take in the shudders and jerks against me as Dr. Cox follows me over.**

**I free the skin in my mouth, close my eyes, and don't move. At that moment, I would be happy to never move again. I nuzzle the strong chest I'm leaning against. **

**The urge to speak, though, never seems to go away.**

"**I bet we look pretty fucking goofy. I mean, we still have our shoes on... and our pants are tangled down around our ankles." I snicker at the mental image and Cox groans. **

"**Cecily, I am forbidding you from **_**ever**_** talking during the afterglow. Understood?"**

**I grin and can feel the illusion fading away. I fight it, but it slips through my mind.**

I yawn and open my eyes; expecting the cool air and spaciousness of the roof.

I am greeted by total darkness and I frown.

At least my migraine is gone, though, and I attempt to reach up to rub my forehead.

Only to be stopped by a snug binding wrapped around my wrist. I control my terror and test my other arm. The same. I bend my knees experimentally, and find my ankles are tethered with very little slack.

A tremor goes through my body, and my breaths start to come out in quick pants.

_Calm down, Dorian, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down, calm down, calm down calmdowncalmdowncalmdown_

I repeat the mantra over and over again at increasing speeds, and panic creeps slowly up my spine and finally consumes me.

I start screaming and jerking my limbs against the restraints, struggling to free myself.

I don't stop.

Not when the door is flung open and light floods the room; piercing my retinas like a thousand needles.

Nor when shouts swirl around me, unintelligible to my ears, and hands strive to hold me still.

My left arm is forced down against the bed, held motionless, and there is the sting of an injection.

Only when a lack of sensation spreads throughout my entire body do I fall silent, and I sink into darkness.

**End Chapter.**

**A/N: I'm sorry if the JD/Cox scene seemed set up… It was. I don't know about you, but if I had JD's hallucinations, I'd be molesting Cox every single chance I got. So, I maintain that it was set up **_**and**_ **realistic. I love to contradict myself.**

**Ugh, I am so not happy with this chapter… The next chapter has to come out better or I will **_**punish**_** myself severely.**

**And Dr. Cox had better be there in the flesh… I want Cox! '**snirk**'**


	4. There Are Many Levels of Insanity

**More important than A/N: First off, a huge shout-out to ****Elise Davidson****, a **_**very**_** talented writer, and if you haven't read her stories, do so now! You can read this fic later. Go! She gave me a fricking great review; one that made me feel warm and fuzzy (not in a creepy way), and now I'm not nearly as upset with the third chapter as I was. Second, my internet was on the fritz for several days, a truly horrible occurrence for me, and it went down a couple of hours before I finished this chapter... Oh, how I love the little things in life that fuck with me. **

**A/N: (I don't think any amount of flames could get me to not write these unnecessary things (and yeah, I am challenging you)) This isn't a very dramatic chapter; I wanted something more lighthearted, but I'm pretty sure the tone of this story will vary quite often as I'm manic depressive and I allow free rein of my mood swings when it comes to what I write. Things are vaguely explained in a flyby style, and I'll get into more detail in later chapters. It's mostly my attempt to wrangle JD and Cox back **_**into**_ **character because I feel I've gotten a little OOC, and I think there's a 50/50 chance that I actually accomplished that. Dr. Cox was amazingly easy to write in this one, which makes me nervous, and it's a little heavy on the amount of inner JD monologue, maybe too much so.**

**All in all, I'm neutral towards this chapter and that makes me a lot happier than it should...**

**Disclaimer: Not MINE! (Look! I wrote a short sentence! Ah crap, I just ruined it.)**

**Warnings: Graphic… goofy slash? Oo And a warning I should have given earlier on: This fic is going to continue to get even more graphic, as much as I can possibly manage; it's basically just written porn with a little plot thrown in... Okay, maybe the plot has bitten me in the ass, but I am a pervert; I like writing it and I **_**love**_** reading it. So, it you don't like slash sex, I have to ask... what the hell is **_**wrong**_** with you? (and no, I didn't type all this to buffer my word count, it's a one-time thing) **

_Italics _– **JD's thoughts**

**Bold – JD's daydreams**

Chapter Four

_It is a very unusual sensation to feel like you are rapidly losing your grip on sanity. I have always heard that when this happens, the person is not aware that they are going crazy. It's funny how some of your assumptions are thrown out when you actually experience a psychotic break for yourself._

I stare out the window to my left; taking in the pale blue sky; the scattered white clouds; and the gently swaying branches of what I now consider _my_ tree.

_Okay, so maybe I am just a__** little**__ bit possessive..._

Recently, I find myself clinging mentally to any inanimate object that I know to be _real_.

_I'm strapped to the bed and can't leave this room... __**fact. **__There is a tree outside the window of this room... __**fact**__. Therefore, the tree I see is __**real**__... Right? But what if what I perceive as __**fact **__is not __**real**__? What if I'm not really-_

I shake my head and sigh. I could continue to chase the dubious nature of my perceptions until I am jumping at shadows, but I am resolute about enjoying myself today and taking whatever comes at face value.

My neck is sore from holding this awkward position for so long, but I refuse to turn my head away from the scenery and look up.

_I am __**not **__going to stare at the fucking ceiling anymore!_

Aside from my somewhat hostile and scattered thoughts, I'm actually in a very good mood this morning. The restraints were going to be taken off finally, and even though I will have to be under constant supervision, I get to leave my pris-, uh, room.

The past few weeks had passed in a confusing blur. I don't remember very much of it, and what I do recall is not at all pleasant. The broken remnants that float up into my consciousness are of my panic-drenched struggles against the nylon shackles and my failure to stop yelling at the top of my lungs to be released. I think that I spent a lot of the time _heavily_ sedated...

I feel normal right now and in control of myself. I am, however, curious as to why my arms hurt as much as they do, and why there is heavy bandages wrapped around them. I shrug and go back to studying the view outside my window, as I wait for a nurse or doctor or just _anyone _to come and turn me loose. I hope they get here soon.

_The desire to move is really driving me insane..._

My elevated mood isn't only due to my impending freedom. I have been tentatively diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder by the hospital's clinical psychologist, and because of my recent violent behavior, my psychiatrist has already gone ahead and prescribed me with an antidepressant and antipsychotic regiment. I'm really not sure about taking either one. I have never considered myself to be depressed; and the possible severe, sometimes even fatal, side effects of antipsychotics make me just a little uneasy.

A myriad of tests still need to be run to confirm the diagnosis, and since the condition is relatively uncommon, my psychiatrist is practically chomping on the bit at being able to study a case of it personally.

My feelings towards her have become rather homicidally bent...

**I stand on the rocky outcrop of a cliff overlooking a barren wasteland.**

**A segment of twine is wrapped tightly around my gloved hands, and I fight against the weakening pulls that originate from the other end. **

**The ground is breathtakingly far below, and I give a giddy laugh at the dizzy sensation the high elevation causes, before turning to my fettered prey. **

**It is my psychiatrist. The thin cord that trails from my grip is bound taut enough around her wrists and ankles to cut into the skin, and her heels are dug into the powdery, red-tinted dirt in an attempt to keep from moving any closer.**

"**Well, **_**shrink**_**," I spit the word out at her as I hedge cautiously around to the back of her, "what do **_**lemmings **_**do so well?"**

**I unravel the twine from my hold.**

"**Lemmings tend to incur mass drowning while attempting migra-" **

"**No! No, they jump off of ledges, damn it!"**

**With that said, I shove her protesting form to the brink, and she tumbles over the edge. **

**I hurry closer to peer down as a piercing shriek swiftly fades away into the distance, and I smile widely when it cuts off completely; imagining the thud of impact.**

_Ah, her death... Now __**that**__ is a happy thought._

The grin tugging up on the corners of my mouth turns into a pleased smile as I hear the door to my room swing open, and the various sounds of the hospital filter in before it snicks shut once more.

"Great morning!" I call out in an excessively cheerful voice. I roll my head to face the other direction and my body seizes up; my breathing halts.

_Damn it! It's been almost a day since the last time I had a hallucination. They might change their minds about letting me go! But that's only if I say anything about it..._

"Hey, Dr. Cox." I relax and resume my intake of oxygen.

"Hey, Newbie." The other man looks extremely uncomfortable, and examines me closely with his gaze. "How are you feeling?"

"Awesome." I beam at him, and then drop my voice down in a secretive manner. "I think the pills are working." Opening my eyes wide, I nod at him with a serious expression and manage to keep my lips from twitching upwards.

For a few moments, at least, before the way too joyful and vaguely creepy look that has become commonplace for me returns to my face.

"Great. Great, great, great..." Cox mutters in a put upon, absentminded tone. He grimaces slightly and slowly approaches my bed.

"You know... you were a lot more talkative on the roof when you," I raise my hands as high as I can, a few inches at best, and make quotation marks with my index and middle fingers, "'comforted' me."

"On the roof? What are you talking about?" He frowns at me as he continues. "Beelzebub only reinstated me as of yesterday. And I sure as hell wouldn't have 'comforted' you, Janice." He mimics the quotation marks back me; only his are given at the same height as his head.

I growl.

_He's mocking my inability to lift my hands up! How dare he!_

"I don't even _want_ to be dreaming about you right now. Go _away_." I glare at him and then close my eyes; only to snap them back open immediately. Leering in the most seductive way I can manage with my paler than normal, sallow features; I tilt my head and lift one eyebrow. "Unless... I don't know how you feel about bondage, but I've had these fantasies where-"

"Listen up, Newbie!" Dr. Cox speaks sharply and cuts me off.

I shut up and watch him expectantly.

"This is _na-ot_ a dream. Nor is it a hallucination, delusion, vision, mirage, a figment of your imagination, or a twisted nerdy fantasy of my-, admittedly extraordinarily handsome and masculine in a way a woman like you just _cannot_ resist, self. I am _act-tu-al-ly_, God help me,physically here."

"Sure you are, Dr. Cox." I wink at him, smirking when he scowls and runs a hand down over his face in exasperation.

_I would never be able to act this way if he was real..._

"Whatever, Kelli. Let's get your scrawny ass out of those restraints."

"Hey! I have a _very_ nice ass and you know it. It's like mutton, I tell you. Mutton!" I state indignantly and with only a hint of defensiveness.

I am ignored.

He begins loosening the straps on my right wrist, and quickly the binding is off of me. The others soon follow and I'm _free_ at last.

Giving a groan of pleasure, I instantly attack the skin on my left calf with my nails and scratch vigorously.

"Oh yeah. Oh God... that feels _so_ good. Ooooh..." I issue a shuddering moan as the itch fades away into a satisfying burning sensation, and I let myself fall back onto my pillow; gasping for breath.

I glance over at Cox. He appears… disturbed.

"If it was your intention, Antoinette, to give me nightmares for the rest of my natural-born life, you have _def-ef-fin-nit-ly _succeeded. Congratulations, I know this is a big moment for you there, Newbie."

I snort lightly in amusement and push myself back up into a sitting position. My back and neck pop, tingling, as I contort my body around in bizarre stretches to ease the dull ache that has settled into my muscles. I might also be doing it to show off my flexibility just a tiny bit...

I sigh in contentment when I finish, but my attention is now becoming focused on the shooting pains that lace up my forearms at my movements.

My eyebrows draw together in puzzlement as I stare intently at the top of my swathed arms, and then flip them over to look at the bottom. Unable to gain any insight by analyzing the plain, white dressing; I look up at Dr. Cox questioningly.

"What happened to my arms?" I raise said limbs into the air in front of me, as if to specify exactly what I was talking about. I watch as his lips tighten together, and the lines around his eyes deepen as they narrow. He is obviously not pleased.

"Goddamn it... that shrink of yours never explained _that_ to you? All of the supposed _medical specialists_ around here are incompetent idiots." He looks angrily at the wall above me, before lowering his eyes back down to meet my inquiring gaze. "You tried to kill yourself."

I scoff.

"I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't do something like-"

He interrupts me by merely talking louder to cover up my own words.

"You got a hold of a scalpel and cut, to the bone in some parts, from the inside of your elbows down to your wrists. Of course, your right arm _does_ look like a three-year-old had been playing surgeon with it... You got a little messy and apparently needed more than one pass. I have to admit, though, you were pretty darn thorough." His lackadaisical words do not match his agitated appearance at all.

"You've seen the wounds?" My tone is muted; barely above a whisper.

"I took a look at them yesterday morning. You were still doped up to the gills."

I feel queasy as I stare blankly at the damaged appendages, and I try to prevent myself from hyperventilating.

_Oh God. Why did I do something like that?! I don't remember doing that! I don't even like when __**other**__ people hurt me..._

My throat feels dried up, like it is coated with cotton, and I clear it noisily.

"Uh, when did I do this?" I can't seem to tear my eyes away from my self-inflicted injuries.

"Three weeks ago. An intern took a late night break and found you up on the roof. You were clinically dead for two minutes before the attending on-call was able to revive you and get enough blood back into your body to keep it going."

I can sense his keen observation, as if two drills are boring into the top of my skull, but I don't look up at the other man. My mind is racing.

"You mentioned the roof, Newbie. Do you remember anything?"

I remain silent; I really don't think I _can_ speak at the moment.

_John Dorian is actually __**speechless**__. That's something you don't see everyday..._

"Were you thinking about me?" His tone is deliberately casual, and not suited for the importance of those words to me.

_Was I? I know I was before, but when I...? Did I try to kill myself because...? Damn it! I have no memory of it! I don't __**know**__._

"I don't know." I respond truthfully and glance up at Dr. Cox, hoping he won't berate me for the non-answer.

I'm happy when he just nods like that is all he had expected me to say.

"Alright kid, I think you've been confined here long enough."

The effect is almost instantaneous; like a light switch being flipped and I find my morbid thoughts shoved out of the way by the pure, excited yearning to leave this tiny room that surges through my entire body.

"Oh God _yes_." Without delay, I scoot to the side of the bed and swing my legs over.

He awkwardly helps me stand, seeming to try to touch me as little as possible, but then decides on gripping the bicep of my right arm firmly to steady me. I waver from side to side for a minute, attempting to regain my equilibrium after spending so much time lying down.

"Ooo, head rush..." I shake my head, laughing quietly at the vertigo. I'm delighted and relieved that it only feels as though I have a normal, bearable headache.

Trying to pay no attention to the distractingly-warm touch on my arm, which I am struggling not to lean into purposely; I ponder where I would like to set off for first.

_Hmm, I want to go outside and get some fresh air..._

My eyes glaze over and take their gradual, sideways path up towards the ceiling.

For once, Dr. Cox remains completely silent.

**A cool, sweet-smelling breeze blows through the trees; rustling the leaves to create a tranquil and peaceful ambiance throughout the entire park. **

**I take a deep breath and then sigh in contentment; turning to look at Perry.**

**He offers me a tender smile that I immediately mirror back at him.**

**All of a sudden, he stops looking into my eyes and whips out a red and white, checkered blanket that he arranges neatly onto the luxurious, vibrant grass. A large picnic basket soon follows and is placed on top of the soft fabric, along with a six-pack of peach daiquiris.**

**We sit down next to each other and Perry wraps his arm around my shoulders to pull me up snugly against his side. My eyes slide shut in satisfaction and I lean my head over to tuck it under his chin.**

_**Ah, complete bliss...**_

I come back to myself and refocus my attention on my mentor; a dreamy expression clouding my features.

"Can we go to the park for a picnic, Dr. Cox?"

"No, we will _not_."

_Damn it!_

**-- **

_Even when you have an illness, some things at Sacred Heart never change. Like Dr. Kelso's lobotomized sense of compassion and his halfhearted ritual of breaking down Ted's spirit..._

Dr. Cox had refused my requests, well, _pleas_ to go outside of the building; stating that I was not allowed to exit the interior of the hospital. He also added that he would carry me back to my room and tie me to the bed himself if I did try to leave...

He was a little disgruntled when I told him I liked that idea.

I have managed to get as far as the Admissions lobby without protest, and I am currently people-watching with an intensity I rarely put forth.

_I can't believe I forgot how boring patients are..._

My interest quickly abandons all of the sick or injured inhabitants to center on Dr. Kelso, who is standing at the counter and flipping through paperwork. Ted is off to the side of him, staring blankly ahead, with his briefcase curled loosely in his hand.

I unconsciously make up my mind to advance in that direction and I'm already halfway to the two men before I realize it.

"Ted?" Kelso's voice is, as usual, insincerely friendly. "About the teenage mother that's suing us... how is the case report coming along?"

"Well, sir, it's-" Ted tries to answer him and is immediately cut off.

"Apparently, Ted, you misunderstood me once again. I do not _care_ about anything you have to say. Your opinion is completely worthless, as are you, and I never, under any circumstances, want to hear it."

"But, sir, you asked-"

"Ted, I was just making small talk. Ah, _Dr_. Dorian. It is good to see you out and about. How are you feeling, Sport?" The senior doctor pivots on his heel to face me as I approach.

"Well, I'm doing a lot bet-" I'm not even sure why I try to reply. Habit maybe.

"That's _great_, Sport. Hopefully you'll be back to practicing medicine in no time, instead of taking up space in one of the hospital's private rooms." He smiles widely at me for a few seconds; letting the unsubtle dig set in. Then he gathers up the papers he had been skimming over and starts walking out of the lobby. "Come along, Ted."

"Yes, sir." Ted gives me his pathetic 'just kill me, _please_' look, before following after the Chief of Medicine.

I glance askew at Dr. Cox. His jaw is clenched tightly, causing the tendons to stand out in stark relief along his neck, and he glares with murderous intent after the old man. He notices my attention, and turns his bloodshot eyes to meet mine.

"Ignore him, Meadow. He's a jackass."

I snicker and raise an eyebrow at him.

"You act like I wasn't aware of that. C'mon, I'm not _that_ delusional, Perry." I flash him a broad, impudent grin and he growls at me.

"Don't _e-ev-ver_ call me Perry."

--

_Or, of course, a long-running rivalry, which you have no idea for the reason of its existence in the first place..._

I pause in my trek down the hallway.

Dr. Cox is a step behind me, and I have been doing a pretty good job at pretending I don't see him, except for the few times I slipped up and spoke to him. Luckily, no one seems to have become aware of it yet.

Ominous music is steadily gaining in pitch in my mind; a bass choir singing an unintelligible message of doom in a foreign language.

I straighten my stance suddenly, my eyes widen comically in alarm, and I glance about me in distress.

_I know this sensation all too well... Someone is __**watching**__ me with the desire to cause harm!_

I spin on my heels and look behind me.

_Oh God __**no**__._

The Janitor is standing there beside his cart filled with cleaning supplies. His eyes are narrowed in a threatening death-glare that is focused directly on me. The dull, gray jumpsuit appears to repel all light, as he has managed to find a patch of darkness to loiter under in the bright passageway.

_What is that in his hand?_

I watch, captivated, as he oh-so-slowly tilts a can back and forth in front of himself. My eyes follow the motion and I am able to make out the words 'Touch 'n Foam'.

_Remain calm, Dorian! He can't prove anything; you removed your fingerprints..._

The Janitor smirks now, admirably maintaining his glare to produce a very odd expression, and points at me; mouthing the word 'you'. He then draws an index finger across his throat and his lips form 'are _dead_'.

_Fuck! Did he have a camera set up or something?! What if he saw me?! This is not good, Dorian, he __**knows**__, and now he has a __**reason**__ to torture me! Flee! Now!_

"I think we should leave now." I turn promptly to Dr. Cox and give him a taut smile.

His brows knit together and he glances at the Janitor.

"What did you do, Carmella?"

"Nothing!" I jack up my chin, take on an insulted posture, and stalk off down the hall.

The older man trails after me in my wake.

_Yep. Things are definitely starting to get back to normal..._

--

It is kind of nice having a Cox shadow, but I am beginning to wonder who was supposed to be overseeing my activities, who had actually untied me from my bed, and if _any_ of this is real.

All in all, it is unnerving.

I am determined, though, to not freak out and enjoy the bustle of Sacred Heart. Not even the sudden, unexpected updrafts that blow through my gown and sweep across my unrestricted naughty bits in a way that makes me feel violated can take away my agreeable disposition.

_Nope, nothing can bring me down. Not today._

"Oh, hey DJ."

_The She-Devil!_

"He-hey, Jordan. How are you?" I force a smile at the attractive, _evil_ woman, but it becomes natural as I let my gaze fall on the two-year-old that she has pressed against her side; her right arm wrapped around him.

_He is so cute! And he has Dr. Cox's eyes..._

"Hi there, Jack-Jack!" I lean my head down level with the boy's and grin broadly at him. His face instantly lights up, causing a warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest, and then he reaches out and grabs onto my nose, _hard_.

_OW! __**Why**__?! It's still not completely healed._

"What a strong grip you have there, tiger!" I blink back tears, continue to smile, and as gently as I can I pry his fingers off of me; one by one.

"Do not call my son that, Newbie."

I jump; startled at the gruff voice behind me. I had somehow forgotten for a second about the apparition that has been dogging my steps all morning.

_This is really not a good sign for my mental health..._

I look back up at Jordan, and find her scrutinizing me closely from head to toe, her head cocked to the side.

"You look like crap, princess." She then glances to the side of me. "You really did a number on her, Pear."

I jerk my head so fast and hard to the left that I think I cause whiplash in my neck, and I catch the flinch that passes over Dr. Cox's face at his ex-wife's words. I snap back to look at Jordan in shock.

"Jordan, you can _see_ him?" I jab a thumb in the direction of the Irish man.

"Oh, honey, I think you need to either cut back on, or increase, whatever medications you're taking." She grasps my shoulder with her free hand and squeezes, giving me the mock-sympathetic, patronizing stare that she has perfected. She drops her hand back down to her hip.

_AAaagh! Oh God! He's real!_

"Could you excuse us, Jordan?" I fake a smile at her, and she gives me a bored expression that clearly shows that she had had little interest in stopping to talk to me in the first place.

Jack reaches out his chubby arms towards his father, evidently wanting to switch carriers, but Dr. Cox just ruffles a hand through the boy's short hair and smiles down at him.

"Whatever, DJ. Perry, you're picking up Jack tomorrow at my mother's." She states to her ex-husband and then moves on down the hallway with her son; high heels clicking rapidly.

"Oh, come _on_, Jordan! I am _not_ going to that night hag's lair. It was agreed when we got divorced that I would never again have to endure the presence of the creature that spawned you into this world!"

"Four o'clock, Pear!"

Cox chuckles lightly in a pained manner, places his hands behind his head, and threads his fingers together as he watches their departure.

"A word with you, Dr. Cox. _Now_." I grab onto his left elbow and turn him around to face me. He pulls his lips back from his teeth in a snarl, lowers his arms, and glares pointedly at the hand I have on him.

I let go, but only to switch my grip to his wrist and pull. He plants his feet and doesn't budge, his features darkening even more with obvious displeasure at my antics. I tug harder.

_You know he can feel anger, rage, disapproval, irritation, annoyance, impatience, and guilt. C'mon, use the __**guilt**_**, **JD!

"You owe me that much, at least."

_Direct hit!_

I feel a pang in my chest as his face instantly drains of emotion at my declaration, and he passively allows me to drag him forward down the hall.

"Where are you taking me in such a huff, Gabrielle?" His voice lacks its typical rancor and he sounds distantly curious.

I don't answer.

I simply maintain my pace until we reach the on-call room, and I open the door to check if anybody is inside. It is all clear. I pull, well, more like direct him into the empty room, before slamming the door shut and locking it. I release my hold on his wrist and whirl around to stare angrily at the taller man; who merely cocks an unimpressed eyebrow at me.

_Maybe I have been holding back the resentment I feel towards him just a bit..._

"Why did you do it?"

"Oh, this is bullshit, Newbie. You know why I did it." He flicks his nose and crosses his arms over his chest. "Cheap come-ons ringing any bells in that vacant head of yours, that you claim oh-so-diligently contains a brain that is capable of sentient thought. Even though you prove, _over_ and _over_, that it does _na-ot_."

"I can see you getting _irritated_ over something like that, yeah, and ridiculing me even more than you already do. But not so angry that you would punch me that fucking hard! I am not a _complete_ idiot, Dr. Cox!" I speak fiercely and try to pay no attention to the voice in the back of my mind that is screaming at me to shut up.

"I beg to differ on that."

"_Why_ did my offer to you piss you off so _goddamn_ much?!"

_Drop it, JD! It didn't mean anything; he was just in a bad mood._

I take no heed of my thoughts, and press on.

"Are you in that much _fucking_ denial?!"

_Danger!_

"Denial?" His tone is low and there is a stillness to him that is frightening.

_You __**do**__ want to die!_

"Yes, denial! You don't want to admit that you would _like_ for me to suck you off." My mind goes blank after I utter the statement, a comforting defense mechanism, and I stare at Dr. Cox. I am hazily conscious of the fact that I should probably be preparing myself to duck and run.

He is silent for several minutes before he answers.

"You really believe that?" There is no ire in his voice, and it causes my brain to stutter; then start back up.

_Calm before the storm! Calm__** before**__ the __**storm**__, damn it! Keep your mouth shut!_

"Yes." And I find that I actually do believe it.

"Then prove it, Jennifer."

_What?!_

I'm frozen in place as I watch him move to one of the flimsy beds to sit down and lean back to rest his weight on his elbows.

_I'm hallucinating again._

"I'm hallucinating again."

"No, this is real." He gazes steadily at me, and I am unable to identify his expression.

I know I shouldn't trust my mind to supply me with accurate information right now, but I trust Dr. Cox _and_ my hallucinatory version of him to tell me the truth.

He speaks again, and I jerk my wandering eyes back to him.

"Now, are you going to back up your words, or... run off like the little girl who's all talk, that I _know_ you are?"

_This is a trick. Just like my first year when he offered me a hug, mocked me when I tried to get it, and then took my beer! Fine. I'll call his bluff._

"Oh, I'll prove it alright." I start my sexy prowl in his direction, but my steps falter a couple feet from the bunk-bed that he is lounging on.

He watches my stunted progress expectantly, and appears strangely patient.

_Come on, Dorian. You can do this. You didn't read 'Fellatio for Dummies' for nothing..._

I stall as I try to work up the courage to close the distance.

"So... Anything special you like, Dr. Cox?"

_And if I want to sound more like a whore, I should just tell him that I'm going to have to charge him afterwards..._

"I think for the blowjob to actually start would be considered something I like." He states sardonically.

_Damn it! I can't tell if he is lying or really wants me to do this._

Taking a deep breath, I move forward and close the gap. I lower myself to my knees on the carpeted floor in front of him, place my hands on his slightly parted thighs and urge them farther open. He offers no resistance and I slide in between his legs; pressing my stomach up against the side of the mattress.

I dart a glance up at his face, and again I can't read the look he gives me; it is one I haven't seen before. Agitation flows through my body.

_If he's playing with me, this time he is going to __**regret**__ it._

Even being in the position that I am, I feel confidence take hold of me and with sure hands I reach for the cord that holds the scrub pants tight around his waist and untie it. I place my palms on top of his firm thighs and slide them up to his hips; he doesn't stop me. I look him in the eye and smirk.

I recognize what flashes across his face this time: uncertainty.

Returning to the task literally at hand, I unceremoniously yank his shirt out of his pants and bunch it up around his ribcage.

_I am really beginning to __**hate**__ clothes..._

The toned muscles on his stomach sidetrack me and I ghost my fingertips over the expanse of them. He shivers at my touch and I give in to my craving to taste; leaning over to nibble down the path my fingers take and pausing to dip my tongue at his navel before drawing myself away.

I curl my fingers in over the light blue fabric of his scrubs and brush my knuckles against his abdomen teasingly; delighting in the sharp intake of breath I hear from the other man. As I begin to pull down, I am halted by a rough hand in my hair and my head is jerked painfully.

"Newbie." There is strain in his voice.

"_What_?" I raise my eyes to his and hiss out that one syllable; not trying to conceal any of my annoyance at being interrupted. "What is so important that you have to talk about it _right now_?"

Our gazes battle each other. Mine is defiant and impatient; while his is conflicted, and emotions flicker through his eyes too quickly for me to register what they might mean.

Eventually, he releases my wrongfully abused hair from his grasp and once again reclines to settle back on his arms.

"Nothing."

_Damn straight... or not. No! Don't say that out loud!_

"Damn straight." I nod approvingly up at him.

_Why?!_

"Christ." He closes his eyes tightly at the bad pun. "You better stop talking and put your mouth to something of use, Rosalie, or this is going to be over _re-he-eelly _quick, and with no happy ending."

I open my mouth to speak, but hastily shut it again. I _am_ starting to get that it is best that I don't talk in situations like this.

_Right. Like I have ever been kneeling in front of Dr. Cox and about to go down on him before... Focus! Now, where was I..._

I tug at the fabric in my hands and look at him with blatant demand, and he obliges my silent request by lifting his hips up off of the bed. After hooking my fingers into his scrubs on both sides, I pull on the piece of clothing, snagging a hold of his boxers when I reach them, and draw them down over his ass. I shift my right hand to the front and carefully raise the material away from him before moving it lower.

I am greeted by a straining erection; the glans already turning a faint purple hue.

_I __**knew**__ it!_

I can't hold back the mischievous smile that forms and I roll my eyes up to look at Dr. Cox; lips parting.

"_No_ talking." He practically snarls at me.

Still amused, I bend down and lightly press an open-mouth kiss to the head of his penis. The other man gasps at the soft touch and I feel the muscles in his hips tense under my hands.

_So responsive._

"You don't get oral sex very often, do you?"

_Shut up!_

"Newbie, I am _warning _you. If you don't shut up right-"

I give him a rough lick, wrap my lips around the tip of him, and effectively end his rant; turning it into a strangled groan. I apply gentle suction and compress my mouth to test the unfamiliar density. Moving my tongue leisurely from side to side, I slowly ease downward to take more of his length into me, and then glance at my mentor's face. He is staring heatedly at me and clutching the sheet he is on with a white-knuckled grip. My surveillance does not go unnoticed.

"You are trying to _kill_ me and you are a _fucking_ tease, Charmaine." He manages to grit out huskily from behind his clenched teeth.

I laugh with the sleek flesh in my mouth, allowing my head to dip along with the shaking of my body, and it earns me a stifled moan from my captive. Containing my mirth, I swallow around him. It is a very peculiar sensation for me, but obviously one that Cox enjoys; if the quiet, choked-off cries from the doctor are any indication. He curves up off the mattress despite my hold, and in farther past my lips. I grimace as the head of his cock hits the back of my throat, and fight for a moment with my gag reflex; pulling back off of him completely. He actually _whimpers _at that action, but it quickly transforms into a growl.

_This is definitely more fun than I thought it would be..._

I slide my hands down from his hips, over the rigid muscles of his inner thighs, and use my left palm to caressingly rub his scrotum, while I use the fingers of my right hand to surround the base of his generously sized shaft. I stroke him several times, my touch firm and rapid, and tilt my head to watch him as he arches his back; pulling the sheet up from the mattress. My eyes trace hungrily over the outline of his flexed physique that strains against the confines of his shirt.

I stop the movement of my hand abruptly and squeeze tightly. He mutters an incoherent oath, and I wait until he lifts his head up to focus angry, lust-glazed eyes on me, before leaning back down and running my tongue along the bottom of his cock. In drastic contrast to the delicate contact, I suddenly take as much of him into my mouth as I can and constrict my lips around him snugly, mindful of my teeth, and mimic the previous motions of my hand. He surges upward, but the thumb and index finger I have on him bumps up against my mouth and prevents him from going past my threshold.

Halting once again, I give him a light warning bite; a mere pressing of my teeth onto his achingly hard dick, and he hisses sharply in pain. I lap and twirl my tongue over the tender area in silent apology, before lifting myself up until the moist heat of my mouth only engulfs the crown of him and flick my tongue vigorously over the sensitive skin.

A violent shudder resonates through his tense body, and I make the decision to bring my playing to an end.

I plunge down onto his cock and set up a fast tempo; bobbing my head and sucking as powerfully as I am able to with the speed I'm moving at. I flatten my tongue and undulate it against him with the strokes of my mouth and hand; while with my left hand I roll his testicles in my palm and apply firm pressure to them.

_I've gotten pretty good at multitasking._

Forcing myself to maintain my concentration, I am still aware of the variety of sounds being made by the other man. Mostly curses, but also quiet gasps, groans that seem to contain more agony than pleasure, and deep rumbling moans that I know will be echoing in my mind for a long time.

So lost in what I am doing, I am caught off guard as his entire body jolts into a rigid, motionless posture and semen floods into the back of my throat. I try to cough around his cock that is still buried in far past my lips. Choking, I jerk off and away from him as fast as I can to sputter and spit the fluid that is currently trying to strangle me; leaving me gasping for air with come running down my chin.

_**Very**__ sexy finish, Dorian..._

I glare at Dr. Cox. He drags a hand through his curls before meeting my eyes and clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry." His voice is rough and I feel a startled spasm of disbelief flash in my mind at those two simple words.

"For what? Not giving me a little warning? Or for hitting me?" My tone is laced with sarcasm and incredulousness.

"Both." He appears sincere, and for some reason I'm instantly furious.

"You know what? _Fuck you_."

I grab a corner of the bed sheet and carelessly rub at the lower part of my face. Once the obvious traces of what just happened are gone, I climb to my feet and stalk to the door; taking satisfaction in the fact that the older man's jaw is dropped open in surprise. I turn the lock and the click it makes rings too loudly in my ears.

"Newbie-"

"I hope you enjoyed that. I really do." I state calmly. Then I open the door and escape the room that now feels as though it is trying to asphyxiate me.

And almost walk right into Todd.

_There is __**no**__ God._

The perverted scalpel-jockey has a knowing grin on his face and I swallow nervously; only to frown a few seconds later when he raises his right hand up in front of him with the palm facing out and fingers splayed.

"On-call room nookie five!"

"No! No, Todd, there was _no_ nookie, and there is _no _high-five for you!" I snarl at him and feel some guilt at the kicked-puppy expression he gives me, but only just a little.

I pass by the surgeon and continue with livid strides down the hallway. I have no idea why I am so enraged, but I need to find a noiseless place to be alone, and sort through my thoughts to figure it out. _Now_.

"Adriana, wait!"

I ignore the shout from behind me; there is not even a pause in my gait.

"Newbie! Goddamn it! Stop running away like a girl!"

A strong hand clamps down on my shoulder and whips me around to face a very pissed-off looking Dr. Cox. I scowl at him and open my mouth to speak, but a yell from the side-corridor of the intersection we are in distracts me.

All I make out is a green and brown blur, and then Cox is abruptly propelled away from me; his back striking hard against the wall behind us with a muffled thump.

"Turk!" I hear Carla call out, and look over to see her gawking at her husband, frozen in the act of placing a chart in its divider. My eyes dart to Turk, who is standing mere inches from me on my left side with his hands clenched into fists.

"You stay the _fuck_ away from him." My best friend's voice is low; dangerous in a way I rarely hear it. His normally gentle face is set in fierce determination, and he begins to approach my mentor.

I glance at Dr. Cox. He wipes at the line of blood that trails down from the corner of his mouth to the edge of his jaw, studies it for a moment, and then raises his eyes in a slow, deliberate manner to meet Turk's; a slight smile curling at one side of his lips.

_This is __**not**__ good! Divert!_

I step in between the two men that are now engaged in a stare-down, and hold up a hand at each of them.

_No! Divert from a __**safe**__ distance, damn it!_

"Oookay, you both just need to calm down and not do anything stupid." I look at one and then the other. "Alright?"

"No, JD. He's had this coming for a _long_ time now." Turk starts to move past me, but I hold my arm up in front of his chest to stop him.

I pick up the quiet sound of a shoe sliding across linoleum from behind me and snap my attention to Dr. Cox.

"You need to stay out of this, Livia." He growls at me without taking his gaze off of Turk.

_I've got it!_

"You've been using _'The Sopranos'_ themed girls' names for me!" I point the index finger of my left hand at Dr. Cox, and then scrunch my eyebrows together. "Why 'The Sopranos'?"

Both men stare at me; Turk in confusion and Cox in astounded annoyance.

_Yes! Mission 'Derailment' complete!_

No one moves for a few moments, except to breathe, and then two things happen at once.

Turk pushes my arm away and Dr. Cox shoves me roughly to the side.

I stumble back several steps, barely manage to keep my balance, and watch as the doctor and the surgeon advance on each other.

_Uh oh..._

**End Chapter.**

**Feel free to not read the rest of this... I got **_**really**_** carried away with my notes, and actually took some from the beginning and moved them down here so you wouldn't have to read them. '**smirk**' Of course, you could have just skipped over the bold text at the start of the chapter... and if you did do that, good job on showing some initiative! **

**Yay, more goddamn A/N: Dr. Cox took advantage of a crazy person. '**tisks**' That is **_**never**_** a smart move and I know from experi-... well, okay, all of my **_**ex's**_** know from experience, but that's not the point. There will be repercussions... or not, I haven't decided yet on whether I'm going to reward or punish him. I think I'd enjoy both. **

**I'm not sure if I'm going to try doing an action sequence as I highly doubt my ability to do so without it completely sucking. '**shrug**' I'll find out later.**

**After this chapter, I've finally realized that it is kind of strange writing sex scenes in the present-tense first-person view. Not bad strange, just... yeah, odd as hell when I'm used to third-person past-tense and I can't describe everything that is happening; only what is seen, felt, and heard by a single individual at that very moment. It's hard keeping my thoughts in order.**

**And once again my writing has shifted a bit, hopefully for the better. I really can't tell. I just see messed up sentences that might be worded wrong and ways I should probably switch them around, break them up, or completely remove them to make it a clearer, smoother, easier read. '**glares**' We must all have our goals, damn it! Also, my chapters are gradually lengthening; don't know if that will continue... and no, I'm not counting my outrageously long A/Ns into it. Commas were my stigma this time, don't know why, and at most parts I took them out just because they **_**looked**_** wrong... Yes, I do shit like that... Mostly for the reason that I **_**cannot**_** write anything else until I fix it... and just not having them appeases me. '**blank stare**' Screw grammar...**

**Fun Fact: I kept myself sober until I finished this as a bribe to get it done. That's over a **_**week **_**of sobriety. I'm not sure if I like being this clear-headed…**

**Final Thought: I need to get this story out of the fucking hospital. If I have to keep typing an abundance of 'hallways', 'corridors', and 'passageways', I am going to destroy **_**something**_**, and I really like my possessions... I almost didn't type this because my word count was at 7,777, and that seemed lucky. Ah well.**


	5. Rants and Revelations

**A/N: This chapter attacked me! Okay, that's a lie. I did have to beat it with a spiked club to force it out though, and it shows, but I did what I could at the moment. Once I (hopefully) become a good writer, I am redoing this entire bitch! '**points at her story**' You hear that, you piece of shit?! You're going to have to obey me eventually! '**yelps**' Hey! **_**No**_** biting!**

**I had way too much fun writing angry and ranting JD, so he's probably on the OOC side. Also, I am growing to love creating banter between JD and Cox, partly because it's surprisingly easy, and partly because it amuses me... Of course, I **_**am**_** pretty easily amused. A lot more cussing is in this, too, but that's to help set the mood...**

**There's a bit of sappy JD&Turk love, but I **_**swear**_** it could fit in with canon. '**twitch**' I **_**loathe**_** writing fluff... but I did it quick like a razorbla- I mean **_**Band-Aid**_**.**

**Disclaimer: '**hostile stare**' All of you can go to hell...**

**Warnings: Mild Slash, Language, and JDA (I finally noticed how much I gratuitously abuse his psyche)**

_Italics_ **– JD's thoughts**

**Bold – JD's daydreams**

Chapter Five

_There is a certain amount of decorum that is required when working at a hospital, but unfortunately, doctors are still human. Sometimes tempers flare and unpleasant incidents may occur..._

My mind races frantically as I try to come up with a way to prevent what is currently unfurling right in front of my eyes.

Turk throws another punch, but this time Cox sees it coming. He ducks under the fist that swings towards his head and lowers his shoulder into the surgeon's chest; shoving the man hard up against the nurses' station. I wince at the startled cry of pain from Turk as his back connects viciously with the sharp edge of the counter.

_Ooo, that had to hurt! Maybe I should just let them rough each other up for a bit... No! Dr. Cox would definitely be suspended again for fighting with a co-worker and he might end up hurting Turk badly. Sure, my Chocolate Bear can hold his own in a fight, but Cox is in a lot better shape than he is. Sorry, C-Bear, I'd never admit that to you, but it's true... This is accomplishing nothing! Get out of your head and do something! __**Now**__, Dorian! _

"I can't get an erection!"

There is something unnatural about the complete and total silence that falls over such a crowded area; there are not even the somewhat comforting, quiet murmurs that you hear at funerals.

_Damn it, JD, you did __**not**__ just shout that out loud for everyone to hear..._

"You know, it's probably a side effect of the medications I'm taking..." I clear my throat at the humiliation that washes over me, and then gaze vacantly at my best friend and my mentor.

_At least_ _the blood can still rush to my __**face**__. Okay, remember how to breathe... This isn't the most embarrassing moment of my life; just really, __**really**__ close to it._

The two men stare at me with dumfounded expressions.

Turk is motionless; his arms paused in his attempt to force the attending physician into a headlock, and Dr. Cox is straining away from the hold, not allowing it to become secure around his neck. His body is tensed up, and he is turned slightly at the waist with his clenched left hand cocked back in obvious preparation to strike the surgeon directly in the stomach.

I jump at the hand that suddenly clasps onto my shoulder and glance at Dr. Kelso; the look on his face is condescending, but I detect the faintest trace of sympathy from the older man.

"Dr. Dorian, I realize how serious such a condition must be for you, but this is really a matter that should be taken up with your psychiatrist, don't you think? _Not_ in the middle of _my_ hospital. Okay, Sport?"

"Of course, sir." I manage a taut smile at the Chief of Medicine as he removes his hand.

"And you two," he directs a glare at the men that remain tangled up in immobilized combat like bizarre, living statues, "roughhouse with each other on your own time!"

Apparently having said all that he had intended to; Kelso makes his normal, abrupt exit from the area.

I immediately return my attention to Dr. Cox and Turk.

_Please let the information about Mr. Peeps be important enough that they will stop fighting. __**I**__think it's that important... Besides, Turk never stays angry for long, and Cox __**should**__ be just a little preoccupied with that news after what I just did to him..._

"Wow, that sucks, V-Bear." Turk straightens his stance uncomfortably, and to my relief he releases my mentor.

Dr. Cox turns his head back to stare off to the side of my best friend for a second, before angling his fist away from Turk's stomach and socking him solidly across the jaw. A look of wounded shock appears on the surgeon's face as his neck twists alarming to the side from the impact.

"Damn it, Dr. Cox!" I launch myself into action and latch onto the man's arm, hauling back with as much strength as I can muster; which is a surprising amount since I am trying to avert any more damage from being done to one of the people I care about the most. I even manage to move him back a couple of steps.

"_Now_ we are even, Gandhi." Cox levels a strict but relatively calm stare at Turk, who is rubbing gingerly at his jaw.

Turk's hand falls, his mouth drops open indignantly, and then he scoffs.

"Like _hell_ we are! After what you did to JD?! We are so _not_ even!"

"Yes, Turk! Yes, you are! You hit him and he hit you. That's a fair exchange!" I thrust a finger at Cox as he opens his mouth to speak, and hiss threateningly at him before he has the chance to voice a comment. "You! Shut up for _once_ in your life!"

A very scary expression instantly materializes on the older doctor's face, and he roughly shakes my hands off of his forearm in response to my heated words.

With all the rage that is flowing through my body at the moment, there is absolutely no question about continuing my tirade.

I definitely need to clear a few things up.

"Alright, _both_ of you shut up!" I snap as I notice the satisfied smirk that Turk flashes at Dr. Cox, and it quickly fades into a look of hurt as he pouts in my direction. I turn to face him completely. "Turk, I know you're upset because of how messed up my mind is, but you have _no right_ to blame Dr. Cox for it!"

Without delay, he lips start to form a protest that I cut off harshly.

"Let me fucking finish."

_It's kind of entertaining being this mad..._

"Cox may have _triggered_ it, yeah, but he sure as hell didn't cause me to have this condition. Me and that fucking shrink I hate so much have been over this, and we actually _agree_ that I have shown mild symptoms of schizoaffective disorder my _entire Goddamn life_!"

I use my fingers as I tick off the examples.

"Let's see, there are the daydreams that venture on hallucinations. The often scattered way I have of speaking and thinking. My total lack of feeling any emotion in situations where I sure as hell should feel _something_, and the way the world crashes down on me when everything does finally sink in."

My tone lowers in derision, and I feel a stab of self-loathing as I carry on with my rant.

"Or, how about the fact that I have _never_ _even tried_ to do any of the important things that I want to do in my life. Hell, I'm almost convinced that becoming a _doctor_ is a fucking fluke."

I ignore the startled, wide-eyed stares from the both of them, as well as from most of the hospital staff that have gathered in the vicinity to watch the show.

I attempt to drive my point home.

"And if _anybody_ deserves to punch Dr. Cox, that person is _me_, Turk, not _you_!" I don't even try to stop myself from crossing my arms over my chest in a distinctly Coxian manner. "Do you understand that?!"

"Yes, JD." Turk is now gazing at the floor guiltily and looking utterly miserable.

_I __**hate**__ seeing him like this._

I drop my arms abruptly, step up to my best friend, and wrap myself snugly around him; burying my cheek against his neck.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, Super Chocolate Bear. You know I love you..." I whisper in his ear, adding as much affection to my voice as I can.

"I know, Vanilla Bear, I _know_..." His reciprocation of the hug is almost painfully tight. "I love you, too."

"I really do _na-ot_ want to be watching interracial, gay theater."

The dry words from behind us rudely interrupt the bittersweet moment that my Brown Bear and I are sharing.

I let go of Turk and swivel around slowly; fury once again clouding my features.

"And _you_, Dr. Cox! Don't think I am so dimwitted that I haven't noticed that you have been blaming _yourself. _You are _not_ such a special person that I would try to kill myself over you, no matter what delusions you feed your over-bloated ego. Fuck! A _hangnail_ might have been what pushed me over the edge!" I lean in close to the other man and state the following sentences laced with a stinging malice that I had no idea I could produce. "Let me tell you just one more thing. You make a _God-awful_ martyr and it's fucking _pathetic_."

_That is definitely not the smartest thing I have ever said. Stay strong, Dorian, and maintain the __**fierce**__ glare!_

I do manage to keep up the glare, but I can feel my mental defenses start to crumble as I anxiously wait for his reaction and watch a facial tick jump violently in the muscles of his right cheek.

_Oh God, I just basically __**snarled **__a very insulting rant at Dr. Cox! This is __**not**__ a good way to ensure my survival and personal safety..._

"I think we _do_ need to have a little chat, Priya, seeing as how we didn't get much talking done earlier."

I flinch involuntarily when Cox seizes my left bicep and begins to drag me none-too-gently down the hall.

"In private." My captor mentions to me offhandedly.

"JD!" Turk cries out in alarm after us, and I arch my neck around to give him what I hope is a reassuring grin as I call back to him.

"It's alright, Turk! I'll be fine!"

_Aaagh! __**Dr. Cox**__ actually wants to __**talk**__ to me! I am being led to my death!_

**I cringe and let out a small gasp when my bare skin comes into contact with an icy surface as I am considerately pushed down into a rigid, metal chair.**

**Dr. Cox carefully pulls the steel manacles over my wrists, tenderly attaches them to the armrests, and then kneels down to repeat the gesture with my ankles. Once he is finished, he looks up at me with such happiness and contentment that my breath catches in my throat. He voice is peaceful as he speaks to me.**

"**Now, Newbie, I want you to be **_**completely**_** honest with me..." His eyes are earnest as he stares at me with barely concealed longing. "How do you want me to do this?"**

"**Uh..." It is the only sound I can manage to choke out.**

_**Very eloquent, JD.**_

"**Do what?"**

_**That was better. Two syllables.**_

**The other man smiles widely, and his countenance takes on a disturbingly out-of-place, dreamy appearance.**

"**Don't be coy, Zoraida. This is something I have wanted to do for a **_**very**_** long time..." His tone is undeniably suggestive.**

"**What?!"**

_**Damn it! I'm regressing!**_

**The first trace of irritation shows, and he draws his eyebrows together at my response.**

"**There are **_**ma-han-ny**_** ways that I can do this, but if you don't choose, I **_**will**_**, and you may not like it, Newbie."**

"**I'm pretty sure I'll like **_**anything**_** that you decide to do to me, Dr. **_**Cox**_**." I moan his name out huskily, and stare with unrestrained desire at the sexy man that is still crouching in front of me; his large hands resting firmly on my exposed thighs.**

"**Fair enough."**

_**I can already tell that this is going to be a **__**very**__** good fantasy... Wait a minute! Why is he holding a knife?!**_

"**Hey, Dr. Cox... what's up with the knife?" A bolt of unease races down my spine as I focus on the sharp object that is now being held loosely in his hand, and the way the light glints off of the blade menacingly. **

"**You're right; you did already try that one..." He sets the knife down onto a table to my right and then lifts up another item from it to examine. "Maybe an icepick, then? Ooo, or a hammer? Although, I suppose I **_**could**_** strangle you... I think I would greatly enjoy that, and it would be a little more **_**personal**_**."**

"**Um... aren't you planning to have sex with me?"**

**He laughs.**

"**Newbie, Newbie, Newbie..." The older man shakes his head in amusement as he repeats my name slowly, and then glances at me in sudden, intense annoyance. "No! I am going to **_**kill**_** you." **

**He sighs in pleasure. **

"_**Finally**_**..."**

"If you murder me, people will _know_!" I fling the words accusingly at Cox.

_**Why**__ did I have to be naked in a daydream like that?! My mind is a cruel, vicious tease!_

I halt at once when I realize exactly where we are and struggle to break free from the restrictive hold the doctor has on me.

_I am __**not**__ ready for this! Hell, I just found out about it today!_

Dr. Cox merely squeezes my arm harder at my attempts to flee back down the stairs, causing a distressed yelp to slip from between my lips, but also calming me down somewhat. The feeling of anger welling up in my chest is becoming eerily familiar to me, and I don't fight back the scowl that contorts my face as I stare at him with blatant disapproval.

"I am _not_ ready to do this yet, _Dr._ Cox, and you wouldn't be pushing so hard with any other _patient_. _Why_ do you have to be so fucking _mean_ to me?" I say the words evenly, adding emphasis to the ones that I consider to be the most important.

"I thought this was just a _hangnail_, Newbie." He cocks his head to the side and studies me with false confusion.

_Damn him!_

At a loss for how I should respond to his mild statement, I do the only thing that suggests itself as I gaze at his lips.

I bend forward and glide my tongue, from corner to corner, over the mouth that is currently trying its best to drive me crazy.

The hand that is on me clamps down brutally and I wrench myself as far away from the other man as he allows; gritting my teeth at the agony that flares up in the mistreated limb.

"I have _always_ known that you are a sadistic bastard, but you _really_ like to hurt me, don't you?"

"You have to stop doing things like that, _right now_."

"No." I fidget with irritated discomfort in his grip. "If you are going to try to force me to deal with something I don't want to, I am going to make _you_ deal with something that you don't want to."

I try to pay no attention to just how childish my assertion sounds even to my _own_ ears as I am unwillingly pulled closer to Dr. Cox.

"Listen up, Kyra, because your newfound testicles seem to be impairing your judgment _and _your perceptions. I _never_ said that I didn't want to," with a grimace, he spits out the next word at me, "_deal _with this, whatever the hell this is." He waves his free hand around in a vague motion.

"Oh _really_? Then you have no problem letting the mother of your child know _exactly_ what happened in the on-call room?" Renewed pain shoots up my arm. "Christ! Will you let go of me?! It's already going to bruise!"

"So, Newbie, you're planning to tell Jordan in order to get back at me?" The light irises that are focused on me darken and his tone is dangerous as he inclines his head nearer to mine. Such proximity is now extremely unnerving, and I resist crossing my eyes to look at him.

"No! I am _not_ a home wrecker! Okay, maybe just a little with the whole on-call room thing... but I wouldn't do anything to hurt Jack!" I exclaim; sincerely offended. I disregard the way the older man recoils as though I had slapped him. "I was just trying to prove that you aren't as okay with this as you _claim_ to be!"

The injured expression on Dr. Cox's face, and the way the lines around his eyes crease with worry, let me know that I had hit the issue directly at its core.

_No big surprise there. I know he loves Jack, and things are going better between him and Jordan than they __**ever**__ have... God, everything can get so fucked up in such a short amount of time. What was I thinking...? Truth is, I wasn't, __**at all**__, and it was purely selfish on my part... Damn it, Dorian, you have to fix this!_

"Dr. Cox..." I sigh and look up at him imploringly from my overly-slouched position. "I'm _sorry_. I shouldn't have used your guilt against-"

My apology is broken off as firm lips are crushed down on mine, and Cox uses his weight to shuffle me back until I am pressed up against the wall of the stairwell. Hands slide up to delve into my hair and caress at my scalp.

_Yes! He let go of my arm!_

I am caught up with indecision on whether I should tilt back against the fingers massaging my head or lean forward to increase the pressure on my lips; both sensations feel so _good_.

Luckily, I don't have to make up my mind. The Irish man opens his mouth, takes a hold of my bottom lip and _suckles_ on it, causing me to arch back into his touch with a breathless moan. He follows my movement, pushing harder against me, and a light vibration runs through my skull as his knuckles collide with the unyielding surface behind me.

_He is __**kissing**__ me! Quit being an idiot and kiss him back, JD!_

Provoked by the exasperation I feel at my own lack of involvement, I dart my tongue out, stroke his slightly-chapped upper lip, and then dip inside of his mouth to taste him.

The flavor I encounter creates a frown on my face that I am only dimly conscious of.

Having literally no room to relocate myself, I reach my hands up in between his arms and clasp his jaw. I pause a bit in distraction and rub my fingertips over the rough stubble that covers the area, before I make an effort to urge him away from me.

After a lingering pull on the pink flesh that he is molesting in a way that makes me want to grab onto him and force him to continue, Cox severs the contact and moves back, but not very far.

I choose his left eye, which I like better for some reason, to focus on and aim a glare at.

_All those romance novels __**lie**__. It's impossible to look into someone's eyes when you're this close without flicking your own back and forth like a twitchy junky..._

"You have been _drinking_, and I am guessing fairly recently, at that." I growl in a low tone at him. "Did you _sneak_ alcohol into the hospital?"

"Of course not, Rochelle." He admonishes, and then smirks at me. "I drank a lot _before_ I came to the hospital, and I have to admit, I'm still a _li-it-itle_ tipsy."

_Goddamn it._

"You can't come to work drunk, you hypocritical bast-"

As I talk, he trails his right hand down from my hair, over my cheek, and then slips his index finger into my mouth to shut me up.

"Quiet."

He thrusts the digit in and out along my tongue; his own lips parted, and he watches the action with so much intensity that a violent shudder courses through my body. I constrict my mouth and suck vigorously on his finger, licking playfully at the rough skin, and look at him coyly. My lips curve into pleased smile when I hear him groan softly.

_Visual aid is fun!_

The expression of lust unexpectedly drops from his features, and he gazes at me solemnly; dragging the tip of his finger over my lower lip before removing it from me.

_What the __**fuck**__ did I do now?!_

"You really can't...?" He seems unable to decide on how to phrase his question.

_Oh._ _**That...**_

"Yeah..." I look to the side for a moment, and then back at him with an awkward smile twisting at my mouth.

_He is definitely __**not**__ the person I want to be talking to about this._

"As soon as my dosage is figured out, I'm sure Mr. Peeps will be just fine." I nod and try to radiate more confidence than I truly possess when it comes to this, uh, _sensitive_ subject.

"Why didn't you say anything, Newbie?"

"After what happened the last time I tried to talk to you about something like this? You _laughed_ at me, damn it! So forgive me if I didn't feel I could confide in you."

"Christ, JD..." He buries his fingers into his hair and tugs at it in frustration. "This is a different situation, and you know it. It's not just about your 'peep' being on the fritz."

An emotional buzz races through me, the same way it always does, at the rare sound of my actual name coming from the other man's lips.

"And _I_ know that you look up to me like I'm some kind of perfect-"

I snap out of the distracted trance I had fallen into when he said my initials.

"Hey!" I pull my hands from his face and arrange them into a 'holdup' gesture. "Perfect is not a word I would _ever_ use to describe you, Dr. Cox!"

"Let me finish, Fatima."

The quiet and controlled tone he grates the words out in is more frightening than all of the times he has yelled at me, and I comply; dropping my arms at my sides.

"You look up to me, and you go out of your way to do _anything_ to try to please me like an annoying, abused puppy; no matter how many _Goddamn_ times I kick you."

_He doesn't understand __**at all**__! Every single one of his relationships must have been __**completely**__ dysfunctional._

"I didn't do that to please _you_, Cox." My glare and voice grow more hostile when he snorts in amusement and lifts an eyebrow at me. "I did it for _me_. Because _I_ wanted to. You think I can't enjoy something just because I can't get off?"

_That sounded a little more manly in my head..._

Feeling surer of myself from my verbal affirmation, _and_ from selectively ignoring my mental comment, I raise my hands back up to his jaw and pet teasingly over his prickly facial hair.

I wink at him and murmur in what I feel is a seductive manner.

"I love when you're all scruffy... and you shouldn't listen to Elliot about using 'Just for Men', because I think the grey looks good on you."

_**Wrong **__thing to say! Take it back!_

"It's barely noticeable. No, on second thought, you can't even see the-"

Dr. Cox growls at me, looking unhappier at each word that I say. Finally, he just takes a hold of my gown, yanks me against him, and reclaims my mouth.

I slide my hands down his neck and dig my fingers into the muscles of his shoulders, grinning when he quickly parts from me to nip sharply at my chin in retaliation and then promptly returns to assault my lips with even more fervor.

I can't help but compare the way the older man _actually_ kisses to how he did in my hallucinations, and I find myself giddily thrilled that my mind had been so close to the truth. The only difference I can detect is how much more attention he gives to my lips, and I am certainly not planning to complain.

As if to prove my unspoken observation, he interrupts the clash of our tongues and brushes a conflictingly tender lick along the side of my mouth, his lips grasping and drawing lightly on the skin there, and then he nibbles across my swollen bottom lip. I shiver at the oral fondling, my breath coming out in rapid gasps, and he plunges back into me; once again firm and demanding.

_Dichotomy. __**That's**__ the only__way to describe Dr. Cox; rough and gentle, cruel and kind... And sex, yes, I think sex is an accurate description of him, too... No, I don't __**care**__ that it's not an adjective, brain!_

He is holding his lower body away from me, which is probably his way of showing consideration for my circumstances, but it still causes me to feel a spark of aggravation. I position my right thigh and deliberately shove up against him, earning me a jagged intake of breath from the man as I rub at his hardness. He jerks his head away from me and halts all movement; his jaw clenched and his eyes closed.

"_Newbie._" His voice is gruff and filled with warning.

"You have a very _impressive_ recovery time for someone your age, Dr. Cox." I smirk; this time I am _trying_ to piss him off and I'm not disappointed.

His hands seize my wrists tightly and he pins them up above my head, before grinding his hips viciously against mine. I arc myself up into his movements and watch the man through heavy-lidded eyes, searching for a difference between anger and passion, but I don't find much of a distinction.

_I wonder if I could get him to do __**anything**__ sexual just by taunting him. Must be tested later..._

I match the undulations of his body and strive to escape from the hold he has on my arms; not in a genuine effort to get loose, but because I have never found it gratifying to keep someone captive when they aren't even _attempting_ to get away. I also have the idea that the other man might take as much pleasure in subjugating me physically as he already does mentally.

A feeling of triumph rushes over me when, with a gathered surge of strength, I manage to force my arms almost a couple of inches from the wall.

For a second, anyway, then they are slammed back against the hard barrier and razor-sharp jolts of agony spike through my body from my restrained limbs.

My mind temporarily fades to white, and I cry out in pained rage.

"Shit! Fuck your mother, you whoring son of a bitch!"

After my outburst, I pry the eyes open that I don't remember closing and stare at a motionless Dr. Cox, who is staring right back at me; startled.

"That is some _re-he-hely _horrible dirty talk there, Deyanira." He regains control of his expression, but then frowns as he releases me and slowly withdraws his hands. "Fuck."

I glance down.

_Yep, I'm thinking that might be my blood on his hands._

"Fuck!" He repeats the curse louder this time; tone angry now instead of mildly surprised. "With all of the times that I ranted at you for being an idiot, I go and do something like _this_."

My arms feel like they are frozen above my head. I watch impassively as the doctor reaches for and cautiously lowers the unresisting appendages down to my waist. He turns them over and mutters another oath at the blood-drenched bandages that are revealed; the injuries must have been bleeding for a while now to have soaked through the dressings.

_How could I not notice something like this? How could __**Cox **__not notice? Are we selectively colorblind?! _

"We need to get you back to your room."

_I wonder if he would get mad if I told him he was pointing out the obvious... No, wait, I __**know**__ he would._

The older man places a hand under my left elbow, curling his fingers up around the joint, and I, feeling a bit dizzy, obediently allow him to guide me down the stairs.

My mind flickers briefly to my medical knowledge and I halt; cocking my head to the side as I study the scarlet coverings. I am morbidly fascinated at seeing so much of my own blood, and it has a blurring effect on my thoughts.

"You said I did this _three weeks_ ago. We weren't _that_ rough; the wounds should be healed enough by now to handle it better than this." I look away from my arms and down at Cox, who is standing on the step below mine.

"Add two and two together, Newbie." He meets my curious gaze with impatience and speaks rapidly. "When you were not properly sedated during your psychotic break, you disrupted the normal healing process with the damage you caused by fighting against the restraints. Only a week ago you managed to tear some of your sutures open, and as a doctor, I _should_ have been _constantly_ aware of that."

He scowls and turns back around; tugging firmly on my arm.

"Don't beat yourself up about it, _Dr._ Cox, you have been _drinking_, and you can't be held accountable for not acting like a _medical professional_. After all, we are only in a _hospital_."

_Turn the insolence off! This is __**not**__ the time to be provoking him, Dorian! Doing it in the showers was stupid, but we are in a fucking __**stairwell**__! Abort!_

I hold my breath and wait for punishment that is never delivered; he simply remains silent and pulls me after him down the stairs, then out into the hallway.

I groan quietly as we exit the softly-lit passage and walk directly into a fluorescent hell; the floors considerately buffed to a glossy shine in order to provide extra-glaring refraction.

_Dr. Cox has light sensitivity... I am beginning to understand more and more why he is so cranky all of the time._

"Hey, J-Dawg, hold up!"

I make a face as I hear the deep shout and the sound of jogging footsteps from behind me. Automatically, I start to reduce the speed that I am moving at and Cox jerks my arm roughly, causing me to stumble to keep my footing.

_I guess being nice to me was only a stair thing..._

A hand grabs onto my right shoulder and steadies me. I glance over at Todd as he falls into step beside me and locks onto my eyes with a sad, empathetic stare.

"Dude, I wanted to apologize for earlier; I didn't mean to make fun of you. I just heard about your penis, and I would like to give you a sympathy five to make it up to you." He tilts his head a little to the side, and hesitantly raises his hand into high-five stance.

"Todd!" I hold my bloodied forearms up at him and my voice is slightly squeaky when I reply. "I'm a _little_ busy right now!"

"You're right. Sorry." He takes his hand away from my shoulder, lifts both up in front of himself in a contrite manner, and then his tone returns to normal. "I'll come back for it later!"

Todd points a finger and nods at me with a relaxed smile, before veering off towards another hallway without a look back.

"Hey... Do you think The Todd has autism?" I slide my eyes to focus on Cox.

"I know that he's an idiot. Come on."

He obtains a stronger grip on my elbow and hauls me into a room to our left.

"You know, it's not exactly painless when you do that." I mutter as he releases my arm when we come to a stop by the bed, and I collapse onto the mattress gratefully. I am beginning to feel more lightheaded, unsteady, and nauseous.

"Do what, Newbie?" He questions disinterestedly as he heads over to a supply cart and wheels it to within reaching distance of me.

"Asshole."

"Oh _no_. Vivianne, are you sulking now?"

I remain quiet and glower at his back as he walks to the sink to wash his hands.

_Maybe just a little..._

Once he is finished, the doctor returns to my side. He pulls on some latex-free gloves, grabs a pair of medical scissors from the cart, and then starts to cut through the bloody bandage on my right forearm.

I watch his actions intently.

I am still deeply irritated by the fact that the other man is intoxicated, and I consider, for a moment, using the call button so I can ask a nurse for a different doctor, just to demonstrate how much.

He removes the soiled gauze wrap, places it into a red bio-hazard bag, and begins to carefully peel up the dressing from the wound. My eyes widen is surprise as the injury is gradually revealed. It is not even close to a straight line; mostly jagged and curved with numerous starting incisions, and the flesh in between the stitches is a vivid, swollen red.

_I think I'm going to be sick... Keep it together, Dorian._

"You're doing that arm first just to fuck with me, aren't you?" I hiss vehemently at Dr. Cox.

"Not everything is about your feelings, Shayla." He grins at me, but it swiftly fades into a somber expression, and he doesn't look even slightly annoyed when he states the obvious to me. "The more serious wound needs to be treated first, Newbie."

Breaking eye contact, he refocuses on his task; cleaning and sterilizing my arm, applying skin closure tape to the areas that are pulling tautly at the sutures, pushing another dressing gently onto the damaged skin, and then finally rewrapping it up with gauze.

If I had not kissed him earlier, I would have believed that he was completely sober, and I feel uneasy as I wonder how many times he might have come to work a little _tipsy_.

_No! He wouldn't endanger his patients like that! Well, okay, he __**has**__ in the past, but that was only when he was going through a very difficult situation! Hey..._

"You have been really worried about me, haven't you?" I almost wish I could take the words back as soon as they leave my mouth; I'm not sure if this is a safe topic to be bringing up with my mentor.

He pauses before he moves to cut away the bandage on my left arm.

"Drop it, Newbie." He voice is firm, but he doesn't look up.

"What? I can give you a blowjob, but you can't even admit that you are just a tiny bit concerned for me?" I give a short, jeering laugh for effect.

"_Goddamn it_!"

He throws the scissors at the cart and rips his gloves off furiously, tossing them to floor.

I shrink back away from him when he reaches for me. As I start to crawl backwards on the bed, my progress is halted by his hands clamping onto the sides of my jaw and his fingers enfolding around the nape of my neck.

I flinch as he drags me closer to him; his hold is nowhere near delicate, but it is not as rough as I know he could easily make it.

"_Why_ does every _fucking_ thing have to be explained out loud to you like you're a _Goddamn four-year-old_?"

His tone is irate, and he glares at me with so much fury that I am only able to open and close my mouth a few times; not producing a sound.

"Do actions even register _at all_ in that thickskulled, girly, idiotic, and _yes_, _dim-witted_ head of yours, Newbie? Do they? Because I would _really_ like to know if I am wasting my fucking time here!"

His fingers clench excruciatingly tight into my neck and I whimper pitifully.

"Oh for Christ's sake."

He closes the rest of the distance to me and presses an almost chaste kiss to my lips.

"Pear-bear, you had better have a _damn_ good excuse for this."

Dr. Cox immediately releases me and whirls away from the bed.

I feel as though a freezing bucket of water has been dumped over my body at the sound of that voice, and I numbly glance over to the doorway.

Jordan is standing there with her arms crossed under her breasts, and there is a controlled, vaguely amused expression on her face that I know from experience is a very, _very_ bad sign.

_Damn it! I had a __**real**__ piece of blackmail to use against Dr. Cox, and now it's gone, just like that..._

**End Chapter.**

**E/N: Yep, a chapter where a lot is said, but nothing is actually resolved... And I'm aware that I continuously make everything go wrong that possibly can, but, believe me, if I tried to write something non-dramatic and normal, it would be a **_**very**_** boring read.**

**I couldn't resist using a direct line from Tonic's "Mean to Me"... I didn't just throw it in there, though, **_**it fit**_**, damn it! **

**Not as long as the last one, so I guess the length has stabilized, but at least my notes are shorter, right? **

**Also, I managed to accomplish a goal of mine: Complete a chapter with no time breaks. And if you don't count the daydream, I did! I have never been very good at setting **_**normal**_** goals...**

**Ack, I'm not prepared at all to write Jordan in more depth, but now I have to. I take back the comment from my first chap. Cox is **_**not**_** the character I have the hardest time writing; that honor definitely goes to Jordan and Elliot. **

**Random Thought: The content of this fic is probably kind of strange to read because of the point of view that it's in. '**shrug**' Does that bother me? No, it's just something that I finally became aware of. '**glare**' I **_**know**_** I'm slow; I don't need **_**your**_** input!**

**Recurring Thought: I have tripled the already hefty amount that I smoke since I started to write again... That's not a good sign, is it?**


End file.
